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Corsair
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- No, hydra heads don't regrow. You're mistaking with a Greek legend, those were a different kind of hydra, now extinct (too many people tried). No, you can't try... hey! Noooo!

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Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:17 am
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+ Do not ask new recruits to fetch you sky hooks, tartan paint, sea legs, some fresh air, or a Cold One heater.

+ It is not permissable to incentivise Cold Ones to attack Silver Helms by shouting "look! tinned food!". Cold Ones lack the fine motor coordination to use a tin-opener. Plus, they don't know what a tin is.

+ It is not a good idea to argue with Corsair Captains that surely there are not seven seas, only one really really big one because "water doesn't have edges".

+ Any decent Sorceress with ice magics can show you it does.

+ It is not allowed to go looking for an Indecent Sorceress.

+ Loyal subjects of the Witch King do not immediately think of Morathi.

+ It is not permitted to get into any more arguments with Corsairs over what constitutes a ship and what a boat. Also, a pocket battleship does not mean one you can literally fit in your pocket and no, that does not make it a boat, either.

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Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:15 pm
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Syjahel wrote:
+Loyal Subjects of the Witch King do not immediately think of Morathi


+Nor are they allowed to speak about her in her presence.

+Not even if the Witch King asks you about her.

+Not even if you want to crack a joke with your unit members.

+Not even if you want to crack a joke with Malekith.

+Especially not with Malekith when it's a "I fucked your mother" joke.

+Or you should have a death wish.

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Thu Oct 20, 2011 10:32 pm
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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+Not allowed to create monsters to terrorise my mortal enemies
+Not allowed the create monsters to terrorise my immortal enemies
+Not allowed to create monsters to terrorise my unit commander
+No monster created is to have tentacles of any kind

+Not allowed to throw a live weasel into the Cold One pen
+Not allowed to throw a live slave into the Cold One pen
+Not allowed to throw itching powder into the Cold One pen
+Not allowed near the Cold One pen

+If it looks like a hydra, sounds like a hydra and smells like a hydra no further verification is needed.
+I may not instruct new recruits to the contrary

+I am not permitted to dance on anyone’s grave
+Not even a fox trot
+Certainly not a Rumba

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Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.

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Thu Oct 20, 2011 10:45 pm
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Quote:
+No monster created is to have tentacles of any kind


It's on the List! No More Tentacle Monsters Drainial!!! :p


+ Khainite berserkers do not need anger management courses.

+ Nor meditation classes.

+ Nor yoga.

+ Slaaneshi rites are not yoga.

+ Slaaneshi rites are not acceptable "as part of a team-building exercise to improve unit morale".

+ It is not all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

+ Nor is it then all fun and games with no depth perception.

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Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:52 pm
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+Not allowed to play hide and seek with a prisoner outside the compound.
+Especially not with an High Elf prisoner.
+Not allowed to talk to pheonix guard, they won't react so it's no fun.

+not allowed to ride a monster
+not allowed to ride one with wings
+not allowed to ride one with flippers.
+especially not to ride one with tentacles.

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:57 pm
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+ Nor is it permissable to communicate with the Phoenix Guard using only gestures.

+ Especially not some of the more expressive ones.

+ Shadow Warriors are not to be referred to as "Druchii wannabees who missed the boat". Even though this is clearly the case :p

+ Getting a tribal tattoo does not make me a Shade.

+ Getting a facial tattoo does not make me a Shade.

+ Living in the woods does not make me a Shade.

+ Getting a tribal facial tattoo while living in the woods - still not a Shade.

+ Hiding in the shadows and jumping out at people does not make me either a Shade or Shadowblade.

+ I may not greet my superior officer with the words "Oh, you're Sha- I'll say no more your secret's safe" *wink*

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Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:09 am
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- if it has more teeth than the regiment it is not a "great pet for the whole family"
- if it has more teeth than the regiment then thems are not good odds
- that does not mean you can bet on it winning
- even if its tipped to win
- even if its backed by the mafia
- even if you put meths in its nosebag
- even if you can convince the regiment to take a dive
- no that doesnt mean you get to retreat

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Mon Oct 24, 2011 8:26 am
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Scourge
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Syjahel wrote:
+ It is not all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

+ Nor is it then all fun and games with no depth perception.


Can it be a new game: 'Find the eye' then?

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All things perish, this is the law of existence, accept your suffering and your mortality, only by using this truth, can you transcend it.


Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:27 pm
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Well it obviously worked for Eltharion, see Drainial's posts above :p

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~ We Never Slept ~


Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:32 pm
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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I feel this deserves a bump.

+I may not feed harpies

+Harpies do not like bird food

+Chopped up testies are not bird food

+I am not living la Vida loca

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Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.

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Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:50 pm
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*Having warriors, or preferably slaves, dip themselves in honey mustard and carrying a large peice of meat to use as a sheild is not an effective way of dealing with Chimera, Manticore, Cockatrice, Dragon, Minatoure, Ghorgon, Cygore, Medusa, Werewolf, Jabberslythe, or anything larger than a bear.

*Even if it does work.

*I may not use the flayed skins of slaves as toilet tissue; that is what my shield hand is for.

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Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:12 pm
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Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:21 pm
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Location: Lost in the Frozen North
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I will not water ski behind a Black Ark.
I will not refer to witch elves as "my bitches".
The parrying blade is not to be used to pare pears.
Even if Hellebron asks
I will not try to get witch elves drunk on witchbrew.
It will not help my chances with them.
Drinking manbane does not increase my strength.
Malekith does not want to borrow my aloe vera cream


Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:42 pm
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Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:29 pm
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- no more assassinating assassins


Sat Jan 07, 2012 2:22 am
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Quote:
The parrying blade is not to be used to pare pears.

I'm not sure why, but this particularly made me giggle :D


+ Nor should one assassinate the assassins of assassins. Then before you know it, Naggaroth would just be one huge mass of people trying to kill each other off in secret.

Oh, wait ... :shock:

Quote:
Malekith does not want to borrow my aloe vera cream

+ Nor is it appropriate to book him time on a sunbed.

+ I must not get a Witch Elf to jump out of a cake for my commanding officer's birthday. We are still finding bits of the last one. No, not bits of cake.

+ I must not assume that the Black Guard wear those full-face helms because they are just a bit shy.

+ The correct response to a Khainite berserker is not "aww they just need a hug".

+ The correct response to a manticore, hydra, dark pegasus, flock of harpies or sea dragon is not "aww they just need a big hug".

+ Chaos Spawn definitely do not need hugs. I should not suggest this to new recruits as a way of making friends.

+ I am not allowed to practice necromancy in my tent.

+ There is no such thing as 'slightly undead' or 'just a small zombie'.

+ I am not allowed to practice necromancy in someone else's tent.

+ Saying that I have perfected the art of necromancy and no longer need to call it practicing is not an acceptable way around the above.


Quote:
*I may not use the flayed skins of slaves as toilet tissue; that is what my shield hand is for.

I am not standing next to you in a shield wall formation.

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Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:10 am
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+I shall not stand next to saintofm in shield wall formation.
+I shall never stand next to him in the first place.

+I shall not drink Asur blood
+Not even if they say it tastes good
+It might infect me

+I should not encourage female druchii warriors to strip down their armour and go into battle wearing nothing.
+Not if this increases my chance of survival
+Especially not because I find them hot
+No friggin way is this allowed because my superior thought he could derank me!

+I shall not steal from Morathi
+I shall not attempt to steal from the thief that stole from Morathi, cause indirectly I stole it.
+I shall not steal from the assassin of the assassins of assassins.
+Especially not of that assassin of the assassins of assassins is Morathi.
+I should not make "your mother" jokes with Malekith.
+Especially when the subject is about sex.

+I shall never jump in front of a charging bear
+Especially without a shield
+Not even to impress a girl

+I shall never seek a fight with a bear
+If it seeks a fight with me however, it will be okay.
+I should never instruct new recruits to play tag 'em with an angry bear.

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Image

Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:12 pm
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+ My response to a superior officer stating the obvious shall not be a question as to what bears do in the woods.

+ Nor what Shades do in the woods.


Quote:
+I shall not attempt to steal from the thief that stole from Morathi, cause indirectly I stole it.


+ In Alith Anar's case an exception shall be made for anybody.

+ Ellyrians are not what you get when Dark Riders run out of black horses.

+ Nor should we feel sorry for Chracians because they couldn't get proper manticores, only lions.

+ I shall not use a Cold One chariot as my personal taxi.

+ I shall not use a Writ of Iron to commandeer a Cold One chariot to use as my personal taxi.

+ I shall not be allowed to prod a Cold One Knight and ask "Can you feel this? No? How about this?"

+ Especially not repeatedly.

+ Not even with greater force each time.

+ If I am caught doing this the response "it was Shadowblade" shall not be deemed sufficient excuse.

+ "Shadowblade did it" shall not be used as an excuse or explanation for: backstabbed immediate superiors, missing field kit, lateness on parade, missing a parade, missing a training exercise, missing a pitched battle, or there being no paper in the privy.

+ When told I may not use Shadowblade as an excuse as it couldn't possibly have been Shadowblade, my answer is not to be "Ahh, but how do you know?".

+ Yes, we live in the Land of Chill, where the nights are cold. This does not mean I can suggest that members of my unit should share my sleeping furs, nor is my asking only the attractive ones to do this a mere coincidence.

+ I am not innocent until proven guilty.

+ I do not look innocent until proven guilty.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:07 am
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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+I do not have the authority to sign death certificates
+I do not have the authority to make death certificates
+I certainly do not have the authority to make, sign or distribute death warrants
+I am no longer allowed in the admin block

+I may not tell the slaves to 'give that cauldron a good scrubbing'
+I may not complain when the witch elves use my slaves to refill their cauldron
+Bubble bath is not appropriate for a cauldron of blood
+Even if it is 'no more tears', this is unlikely to console the families of donators
+It is not permitted to introduce rubber ducks into Khainite rituals

+I may not hide the sorceress' staff in a random tent throughout camp
+I may not hide the sorceress' staff in a specific tent of any kind
+I may not bet on how long it takes the sorceress to find her staff nor on the variety of animal the occupant finds themselves as shortly thereafter

+Shades are not dark riders who have misplaced their horses
+Dark riders are not shades who are afraid of the woods
+Shades are not 'like rubbish assassins basically'

+I may not strap a knife to my lips, that is not the definition of 'armed to the teeth'
+I may not make a necklace of putrid human bones, they smell
+A piano Forte is an inappropriate instrument for battle
+I am not the units designated musician
+'I'm a believer' is not appropriate battle music even if it does 'brighten everyone’s day'

+I may not go three days without fighting frog faced women, bears or shape shifters
+I may not use a separate thread to make group 28 in jokes

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Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.

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Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:13 am
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+ 'Love is a Battlefield' is also not acceptable.

+ I shall use Group 28 to make this thread jokes :p

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~ We Never Slept ~


Last edited by Syjahel on Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:32 am
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+I should not flirt with a shade
+No noble should flirt with a shade for they are by description tree huggers
+No shade shall flirt with a noble, it's just wrong

+I shall use group 28 for jokes in this thread
+I do not care for.

+I shall not throw a hungry shade in the cave of a black Dragon.
+Not even a normal, sane shade.
+Especially not when ordered by the head of a clan.

+I shall not mistakes midgets for Skaven
+I shall not declare Skaven as Midgets
+I shall not confuse myself when it comes to Skaven and Midgets, they're the same
+I shall not kill midgets, though I shall kill Skaven.
+I shall find the underempire and kill Skaven
+I shall not find it, for Skaven are midgets and I shall not kill midgets.

+I shall not flirt with an angry noble
+Not even when ordered to
+Especially not if the order comes from Lord Vanity.

+I shall play nice with female Druchii
+I shall not let them grab the "stick"
+I shall not make sex jokes in this thread.

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:48 am
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Quote:
+I shall not make sex jokes in this thread.


+ This shall include any further references to playing Hide the Staff with Sorceresses.

+ Whereas I may flirt with an angry noble, I shall be well aware of the consequences should this be the reason why they are angry.

+ Even a midg- Skave - er very short, confusing noble.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:47 am
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I may not pile all of the coldone dung near the knight's tents.
I may not put cold one dung in a knight's saddle bag and see how long it takes them to figure out.
I may not touch a female knight to see if she can feel it.
I must assume all females within a hundred sword lengths of my being has a flails and will use it upon my frame if provoked.
I am not allowed to handle sacrifices.
Especially1 if they want them alive.
I am not allowed to draw arcane markings upon my superiors as they sleep
I am not allowed to smother my tent mate because they snore
"Tis but a flesh wound" is not an appropriate response to a comrade getting gored.
If a minotaur punts a comrade, I may not raise a score card with a number upon it.

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Sun Jan 15, 2012 8:58 am
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+ I shall not jump into the ceremonial bath of the Death Hags, just to show off my guts
+ This might result in the actual, visual proof that I have guts.
+ I may not encourage ANYONE to jump into the ceremonial bath.
+ Except Asur
+ Without a doubt is that allowed.

+ I may not pit a shade against a manticore in a fair fight
+ I may not take bets against the manticore for the shade would lose no matter what.
+ I may not pit Malekith against a manticore
+ not even when I'm hungry.
+ I may not compare Malekith to Tyrion, it's a sore spot.
+I may not challenge both Malekith and Tyrion to pit against each other, everybody knows Malekith will win, so that is useless.

+ I shall not give the Brides of Khaine a visit, I shall kidnap them and use them as my personal sex slave.
+ I shall not violate the sex joke rule, for I made it and I just broke it.
+ I shall not challenge a midg... Skav... Dwar... tiny noble into a duel, everybody knows they don't play fair against male opponents.
+ I shall not pit two midgets... I mean Skave... tiny nobles against one another, the danger of my own death is too high.
+ I may not make fun of midgets, Skaven however are allowed to make fun of.
+I shall not make fun of Skaven, for they are midgets and I shall not make fun of midgets.

+ I shall not challenge a drunken corsair to "visit" the Cold one cages and run around wearing this "invisible" full body armour.
+ I shall not use the "invisible" full body armour toward female Druchii, no matter how badly I want to see.

+ I shall not enter a portal that contains illusions, they just frig with your mind.

_________________
Image

Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:17 am
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+ I am not allowed to label everything in my tent.

+ I am not allowed to paint cheerful designs on my unit's shields. It does not either brighten up the regiment, or make us better than "those miserable people with all those doom and gloom skull motifs".

+ There is no Best Dressed Unit competition.

+ This does not mean there is a Best Undressed Unit competition.

+ Further to this, when I am told I had better turn up on parade with my newly-issued repeater crossbow, I am not to assume that this is all I may have about my person.

+ Writing 'Have a Nice Day' on dragons' breath bolts is not a subtle form of psychological warfare.

+ There is no rhyme for 'orange'.

+ I am not to use the word 'orange' in marching cadences.

+ Nor are these to begin '99, 999 bottles of beer'.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Fri Jan 27, 2012 1:40 am
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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+The Black Ark's Kraken is not named Garry

+Nor is the Kraken's named Calamari

+The Black Ark's Leviathan's name is not to be decided by popular vote

+Nor indeed by an unpopular vote

+I may not eat a three course meal in front of the slave pens, the beast masters don't like them getting all worked up

+I may not eat a three course meal inside the slave pens, the beast masters don't care but the healers are sick of me

+The wheels on the chariot do not go round and round all day long

_________________
Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.

Arch Deacon of the RPG forum
Gentleman of Moderation


Fri Jan 27, 2012 2:04 am
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