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Syjahel's List 
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Malekith's Best Friend
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+ I shall not poke the slaves with a stick.
+ I shall not make virgin jokes about Morathi.
+ Even though a common fact is that she isn't one at all.

+I shall not make "I screwed your mother!" jokes toward Witch elves
+ in 75% of the case it would be the truth
+ in 10% of the case I would die from multiple stab wounds
+ the remaining 15% contain me screwing the witch elves.

+ I shall not dare a midg... skav... tiny noble to challenge a witch elf into giving her "virginity" to him
+ I shall not make fun of Drai... I mean a tiny noble for being short.
+ I shall stop referring to other players in this thread.

+ I shall not challenge a witch elf to run at humans, screaming and wearing nothing, it might distract them.
+ Scratch the might in previous sentence, read it again, add an S to Distract.
+ I shall not challenge witch elves to "play nicely" with Shadow Warriors, everyone knows that witch elves can't "play nicely".
+ I shall not do so, not even when the challenge contains "play WITH the shadow warrior".
+ I can not be charged for the possible consequences of their deed since I only challenged them to "play" with the shadow warriors
+ However I can be charged with conspiring in satisf... torturing our mortal enemies, killing them straight away is better.

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:39 pm
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+ It is forbidden to indulge in wild fantasies about Witch Elves, for Khaine is a jealous god.

+ This is especially true for people who like to make Morathi jokes, for Khaine is a jealous god.

+ It is not permitted to ask why he apparently doesn't mind sharing her with Slaanesh in that case, for Khaine is a jealous, violent, angry and vengeful god.

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RIP Group 28
~ We Never Slept ~


Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:47 pm
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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+Enforced celibacy for witchelves and sorceresses is not 'just too boring'
+It is not permitted to 'have a bit of a laugh'
+I am not empowered to overturn the edicts of the Hag Queen
+I am not empowered to create my own religion where 'things are just more chilled, you know'
+Shadowblade does not 'know'
+I am not the walrus.
+I may not think of things to add to Syjahel's list inorder to procrastinate.

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Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:02 pm
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+ I should not cuddle beasts of nurgle
+ Not even if said beast looks like it needs a cuddle
+ 'But who could say no to that face?' is not a valid excuse
+ I may not convince shades to cuddle beasts of nurgle
+ Even if shades do smell a bit nurgle-y
+ This is not proof that all shades worship nurgle
+ I am not to explain this theory to any of the khainites
+ Even if I am bored
+ I am not to explain this theory to the shades
+ Even if I prefix my theory with 'I've got nothing against shades, some of my best friends are shades, but...'

+ 'I plead insanity' is not a valid reason not to do latrine duty
+ Neither is 'I'm Shadowblade'
+ I am not shadowblade
+ And even if I was I wouldn't tell anyone
+ Yes, Shadowblade has to do latrine duty the same as everyone else

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Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:32 pm
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*I may not practice maniacal laughter in a public area.
*I may not practice maniacal laughter in a private area
* Especially of the former is not my own.
*I may not use a live dwarf to sharpen my sword, despite their hide being tough enough to do so.
*I may not place warpstone near the tomatoes and see what happens.
*I may not use warpstone unless I am accompanied by a responsible addult.
*My Drinking cronies do not count.
*Nor does my kid brother.
*Nor my sister
*Nor any number of individuals that worship Khaine to the exclusion of all else.

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Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:06 am
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+ I am not Malekith's heir. Our King is immortal, and needs no-one to carry on his legacy.

+ The correct response to being told to explain why our immortal King might need an heir is not 'Challenge Accepted'.

+ I am not to tell new recruits that Urien Poisonblade is living out his days on a nice farm in the country.

+ Nor am I to tell them that Tullaris of Har Ganeth is 'a lovely fellow, really, just misunderstood'.

+ It is not appropriate, nor does it bolster unit morale to tell my fellow Druchii that we have not retaken Ulthuan 'because Malekith has a flower pollen allergy'.

+ Even if this is true. It's no joke having itchy eyes in a helmet you can't take off, especially when your hands are encased in taloned gauntlets.

+ I may not suggest a winter campaign to deal with the above, because we live in the Land of Chill.

+ I may not suggest Pantsless Thursdays for the unit, because we live in the Land of Chill.

+ I am to stop requesting ice cream for dessert, because we live in the Land of Chill.

+ I am not to suggest 'something shorter and more chic, maxi skirted armour is so last year' both because we live in the Land of Chill, and because no Druchii wants to be seen in netball skirts - we are to leave that to the Phoenix Guard.

+ I am not to challenge the Phoenix Guard to a game of netball.

+ Especially not a friendly match.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:47 am
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+ I shall not invite the Phoenix Guard in a national game of netball.
+ And even if I am allowed, I shall not do this without setting up a clever ambush to deal with them
+ I shall not do the above for the Phoenix Guard know how they shall die, when they shall die and where they shall die.

+ I shan't request Morathi to 'unveil' my glorious destiny.
+ I shall not do this because of the many other 'nobles' of the Land of Chill would soon ask the same.
+ I shall neither request this, nor shall I request a revision of the witch elves dress code.

+ I shall not complain about the dress code of witch elves, who doesn't like female druchii wearing nothing but bikini in the land of Chill?
+ I shall not wonder about how cold Witch Elves might not have it, for my mind will easily slip into more darker corners.
+ I shall not check 4Chan for Witch elf jokes.

+ I shall not involve other sites
+ I shall not involve harmless self-promotion, we all know Malekith hates this.
+ I shall not claim to be the heir of Malekith even though it is true.
+ I shall not laugh at our lord for being a 'mother's child', for nobody wouldn't mind trading places with him.

_________________
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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:24 pm
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*The sorceress' dark pegasus is not named "Flutter Shy."

*I may not sticka goblin at the end of a lance and use it to make coldone go faster.

*or a skaven

*Or a halfling

*A small child

*Catnip will not work on making manticore my best friend.

*I will not use catnip on white lions to see if it calms them down.

*It won't work on the ax weilding ones either.

The General's Coldone is not to be refered to as pinki pie...ever.

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Wed Mar 14, 2012 4:45 pm
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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++ I may not set up a newspaper named 'The Daily Warhorn' to let everyone know how the campaign is going.

++ I may not report the increasing lack of decisive leadership ever since the general’s sister arrived.

++ I may not write a gossip column speculating on the nature of the general's sister's charms nor the reasons why his mind might be slipping.

++I may not produce an editorial called 'the moral maze' discussing the debatable virtues of incest in Druchii society.

++ I may not set up a focus group to critique the leadership of either the general or our beloved BBQed king.

++ When charged with the requisition of vitals for the unit I am not to return with a handful of 'magic' beans.
++Even if the beast masters would like a new giant.

++ It is inappropriate to hang a sign saying 'pool party' above the cauldron of blood.

++ I am not to make black puddings from the contents of said cauldron of blood.
++ Even if they will give me super powers.

++ If temporarily gifted with super powers I am not to use them to carve the words 'People with big swords are over compensating, that means you Tularis,' in letters fifty feet high on a cliff face.

++When caught doing any of the above banned activities the excuse 'Khaine made me do it' is not an adequate excuse.

++ 'Slaanesh made me do it' is just a downright silly excuse, unless you happen to have painted the sorceress' coldone pink in which case she might let you off.

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Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:08 pm
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+ Brides of Khaine and berserkers may go into a mad rage on the field of battle, but this does not mean I can lose my temper on the parade ground.

+ Even if I broke a nail.

+ Nor is it permitted to set the admin block on fire if I got a papercut "as a preventative measure".

+ I must not spread rumours for all rumours are speculation and speculation is merely plotting in disguise. Plotting is treason and treason is punishable by death.

+ This extends to letters home, postcards, scrolls, wax tablets, the back of napkins and messages written on the shaved head of a slave who now has hair down to their shoulders.

+ However privy wall graffiti is not to be counted as treason for these purposes, even if I can prove it isn't true.

+ I am no longer allowed to make a demonstration of anything I offer as proof.

+ My superior officer is not required to demonstrate the untruth of any of these rumours either.

+ Not even the one about the birthmark shaped like a dragon.

+ Having a birthmark shaped like a crown still doesn't make me Malekith's heir, nor does it make me the subject of a prophecy.

+ Not only am I not the subject of a prophecy, neither is my unit, my unit commander, the Sorceress or the highborn leading the company.

+ If a Sorceress tells me any of these are the subject of a prophecy, I am nevertheless not to argue.

+ I am not allowed to draw birthmarks on with ink.

+ I am not allowed to search my comrades in arms for birthmarks.

+ No, life is not fair.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:41 am
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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Always worth a bump, particularly when I am procrastinating.

+I have not just been promoted to the Black Guard

+Painting all of my equipment black does not make me a Black Guard

+Painting my skin, clothes, weapons and armour black does not make me the ‘blackest black one’ and therefore captain of the Black Guard

+Neither I nor any true member of the Black Guard have the authority to carry out random 'wallet inspections'.

+Being the 'blackest Black one' in the manner described above does not make me invisible at night, certainly not around the campfire

+Being 'nearly invisible at night if I stay away from campfires' does not make me an assassin

+Painting all my weapons blacker than shadow does NOT make me better than Shadowblade

+Nor am I a member of the holy order of executioners, a beastmaster, a baby hydra or a replacement highborn named Geoffrey Babington the third.

+I am definitely not a witch elf, the uniform does NOT suit me

+Wearing a black bikini with a huge black sword does NOT make me an Exewitchblackguard

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Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.

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Tue May 22, 2012 11:35 am
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+ I shall not try to assassinate Shadowblade
+ Especially because he's useful
+ But more because I'll get assassinated instead.

+ I shall not ask a Witch Elf to "flash" me
+ Those bikini's are too small in some cases, flashing is not required.
+ I should really stop making Witch Elf jokes

+ I shall not throw Morathi off the tower of Naggarond
+ Not even if the reason was "But she claimed she could fly!"
+ Especially not because Malekith is a vengeful lord, and Khaine's a vengeful god.

+ I shall not nail a High Elf to a wall to throw knives at him
+ I shall if I intend to throw the knife in his or her throat
+ I shall not do this to ANY Druchii

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Tue May 22, 2012 11:56 am
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Quote:
+Wearing a black bikini with a huge black sword does NOT make me an Exewitchblackguard


CANNOT UNSEE :shock:


+ Just as not every Asur is a blonde, not every blonde is an Asur.

+ I am not allowed to search my regiment for bottles of hair dye.

+ Nor am I allowed to conduct random inspections "to see if the collars and cuffs match".

+ Scheduled inspections are not allowed either.

+ "The unit that showers together stays together" is not an acceptable motto.

+ Morathi does not have a sister.

+ Prefacing a sentence with the words "no offence, but" does not prevent me from having to do guard duty, punishment duty, scout duty or time in solitary confinement.

+ I am supposed to be on my own during solitary confinement.

+ I am not allowed to craft a sock puppet during my time in solitary confinement.

+ If I have crafted a sock puppet during my time in solitary confinement, I am not allowed to deputise it to carry out my duties.

+ Nor is said sock puppet allowed to give, or countermand, unit orders.

+ I may not start the battle charge with "Uh uh, wait for it - SIMON SAYS charge!"

+ I am not allowed to request cruel and unusual punishment.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Tue May 22, 2012 3:44 pm
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Syjahel wrote:
+ "The unit that showers together stays together" is not an acceptable motto.


It cannot be unmade :shock:

+ Nor is the motto "The Daughter of Morathi will watch over us." a very smart move to uphold if you're commanding a group of Black Guards

+ Morathi does not have a sister indeed

+ Claiming to be her brother on the other hand, is illegal as well

+ After Morathi, who would want another child?

+ Yelling at Morathi that you "Screwed her mother" isn't very smart.

+ Yelling it at Malekith isn't either.

+ Not every Asur is blond, not every Druchii is black.

+ One does not simply walk into Ulthuan, you drift into it.

+ One does not simply walk into Naggaroth, you sneak into it.

+ One does not simply kill Malekith, Tyrion on the other hand, is easy.

+ I shall never yell at Malekith, "I KILLED YOUR NEPHEW!" when I have Tyrion's head on my spear.

+ I shall not do that toward Morathi, for Morathi is a vengeful mother.

+ I shall stop make 'One does not simply' jokes without the proper meme.

+ I shall not stop making these jokes without the proper meme, for I hate to stop being awesome.

+ One does not simply claim to be awesome without proof to back it up.

_________________
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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Thu Jul 05, 2012 9:30 pm
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Prophet of Tzeentch
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+ One does not simply walk into Ulthuan, it's an island, one swims or takes a boat.

+One does not simply kill Tyrion, one steals his armour first. It belonged to Aenarion and he doesn't deserve it. Urion would have killed him five times over otherwise..

+ I can decide whether you should live or die. You’re are unlikely to go to heaven.

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Fri Jul 06, 2012 2:36 am
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*When someone complains that the hydra is over powered, my response should not be "You say that as if it's a bad thing."

*I am not allowed to bother the shades.

*If we capture an enemy princess, I am not allowed near her.

*If I sneak into an enemy fortification, I am not allowed to paint a target on the outer wall of the castle with the guards' blood.

*If on guard duty, I am to ask for the pass word, not: What is your Name, What is your quest; What is the air-speed velocity of a swallow?

*I am suppose to yell "Incoming" when the enemy bombards us with their arrows, bolts, stones, lead balls, cannon balls, large rocks, explotisves, burning ordinances, the enemy general's in-laws, and so forth; not when your commanding officer was crushed with a lucky stone thrower shot.

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Fri Jul 06, 2012 8:11 am
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+ One does not simply leave her alone for four seconds

+ When this happens, she is assaulted by; Birds, Tentical Monsters, A werebear, a Wereboar, a horde of Mutants, Hostile Guards.

+ I shall not attempt in a rescue of a damsel in despair... that's up for another fool.

+ I shall claim the reward for rescuing the damsel in question, the fool is easily gotten rid of.

+ I shall not challenge Malekith to a fair duel, we all know that's not going to happen.

+ I shall not call said lord a Coward for declining said duel, he's just giving me a chance to apologize and run away.

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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:45 pm
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+Handing a new recruit a large ham and telling him to go on and fight is not how we deal with Trolls.

+Or Giants

+or Ogres

+If you threw a shiny coin at a horde of goblins to distract them we would be over budget faster then you can say idiot. use the spar armor of the humans we conqored.

+No, saying "Look, and an underage and improbably busty school girl" will not keep working on the Slanneshies. Fool them once, shame on them, fool them 37 times, and they are no longer amused.

+No, they Chosen of Tzetch will not have search for a shrubbery.

+Nor is that buny the sorceror lord uses as a familiar is as dangerous as it is cute.

+I am no longer allowed near the rum, the corsairs complain too much.

+I am no longer allowed near the win, Malus gets angry when he dos't get enough.

+No longer slowed near the bourbon, the Witch Elves need it for their brews.

+I can go have the whiskey, I just have to ask the executioners

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Sat Jul 14, 2012 10:20 pm
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+ I am not to suggest that the warriors of Naggaroth unionise.

+ I am not to stand for the role of executive officer of any such organisation.

+ Election does not give me a mandate for anything.

+This is NOT a democracy.

+ In my role as executive officer (which I am not) I may not level a class action suit against sorceress Naylia and her dagger happy ways.

+ I do not have permission from the king to mint my own money. Fool’s gold fools no one.

+ I shall not arrange cock fights, it is far too cruel on the birds.

+ I am not to interrupt slave baiting performances on the grounds given above. Slaves are not birds, nor are they cute or cuddly.

+ A 'writ of aluminium' has no power of any kind.

+ I am to cease and desist any forging activities of any kind.

+ We do not all live in a yellow submarine, whatever one of those is.

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Sat Jul 14, 2012 11:15 pm
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+ Getting set on fire does not make me more like Malekith.

+ Getting toasted by lightning does not make me more like Malekith.

+ I am not allowed to set anyone else on fire "to follow the example of our glorious Witch King".

+ I am not allowed to volunteer members of my unit for babysitting duty for Sorceress Naylia.

+ This requires at least a full troop of Black Guard at all times.

+ These are not to be Exewitchblackguard.

+ Yes, careless talk costs lives. That does not make casual chatter in the ranks a deadly weapon against our enemies.

+ Nor does "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but the right harsh language is fatal" make a good motto for the Verbal Assassination Unit.

+ There is no Verbal Assassination Unit.

+ If I have nothing nice to say, I should not say nothing at all.

+ This is not because I am a member of the Verbal Assassination Unit. It is because we are Dark Elves, damnit.

+ I am not allowed to be sensitive about my subordinates' feelings.

+ I am required to be sensitive about my superiors' feelings. That is the privilege of rank.

+ Malekith is not wearing that armour because he is shy.

+ I am not allowed to attempt to get him drunk "to loosen up a bit".

+ I am not allowed to take him out on the town to have a good time and maybe meet a nice girl.

+ Or a less nice girl.

+ I am not to ask why Morathi does not like this idea.

+ It is not permitted to look into one's commander's background for youthful misdemeanours. Everyone was young once.

+ On finding these youthful misdemeanours it is not sensible to ask why one has been posted to the front line. Or sent on a suicidal scouting mission into enemy territory. Or a babysitting mission into enemy territory.

+ The above is not evidence of a Lizardman Conspiracy.

+ "Slann .. Slaan-esh ... see??" does not amount to evidence either.

+ When raiding the shores of Ulthuan I may not take a bucket and spade.

+ Not even to build a giant sandcastle that looks like Anlec.

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~ We Never Slept ~


Sun Sep 30, 2012 3:03 am
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- One does not simply get touched by Lightning and survives
- Hey, this is Syjahel's list, not Carathyle's!
- I shall not get struck by lightning to impress girls
- I am not implying Syjahel is a lesbian(would suck for Jacks *cough*)
- I shall not get struck by lightning to impress guys
- I shall not charge a chanting witch directly
- I shall not leave the most brash of the group to his revenge without first making sure he has magical protection
- I shall never doubt that he might be the Chosen of Khaine.
- He is not the chosen of Khorne, he's no follower of Chaos.
- I shall not take sorceress Naylia out on a witch hunt... no doubt master Carathyle will spoil the fun.

_________________
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Carathyle Maveric:(Group 28 Warrior)
Ws:5 S:4 T:3 D:4 I:3
Equipment:
Enchanted* Obsidian Long sword, MC Light armour, Dark Steed(Sephirah), Shield, MC Longbow(89 arrows), 56 Circlets, Maibed Dagger, Asur Spear and Disguise.
Age: 89
Skills: Ride, Acrobatics
*Increased Strength, holds the soul of his father


Sun Sep 30, 2012 3:13 am
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New army book, new interdictions! Let's make a little threadomancy.

+ Not allowed to organize a BBQ in Har Kaldra.
+ Not allowed to bring dwarf slaves for a "find a trinket" digging game in Har Kaldra.
+ No, your lordling is not the last heir of Har Kaldra.

+ Yes, Venomblade and Severspine are both hereditary names and significant. No, your father was not named Triplerumallowance, as far as I remember, it was rather Stinkinasshole. No, most names are not hereditary, no need to prove yourself.

+ Don't ask why Seraphon hands are so big. That's what makes him a better dragon in fights.
+ That cutee-cutee girly on her cutee-cutee pony, that's Morathi. Don't judge people by mere appearance.
+ Don't comment on Morathi's pegasus looking less fierce than a mere dark steed. Sulephet has horns, don't you forget?
+ No, there is not the last episode of your favourite series "Ezresor vs. Shadowblade". Anyway, we don't have any TV in the camp. Well... let's make an inspection of your tent, has been a long time.
+ No, no party to celebrate Malus Darkblade's promotion to lord status.
+ Stop teasing Lokhir Fellheart about Malus's promotion.
+ Don't challenge Shadowblade against Lokhir to determine who kills the quickest a damsel in the middle of a Bretonnian knights's lance formation.
+ Don't challenge Lokhir for a dancing competition with the Sisters.
+ No, Lokhir is not a Fleetmaster with regeneration. Well, sort of.
+ Not allowed to replace the stabbing practice target by Kouran's armor of mourning.

+ Drakira is not part of a High Elf conspiration. Yes, it is OK to worship Her. It is even advisable. Lucky you are that your late lordling was not a worshipper of Her.
+ No, you're not the 101th son of Ellinill, and you need not to hide from Him. Now get up and man your station immediately.
+ No, you're not enchanted by Atharti. Leave me alone, now, would you?
+ No, Nethu is not behind the pegasus's stalls.

+ No, there's no assassin hidden amongst harpies. What you see is their wings, not assassins' capes. Assassins can no longer fly, that's the reason why.
+ Yes, Assassins used to fly. Don't ask why they can't anymore.
+ No, your lordling has not been stabbed three or four times with Black Lotus. He is still your leader.

+ Don't ask the new Light Sorceress to lit your cigarette. They don't smoke.
+ Yes, a Dark Elf sorceress using Light Lore remains a Dark Elf. Don't shoot at her, she may stare at you and that will hurt.
+ No, don't worry, you are not, I repeat, not a daemon, she won't banish you. Well, you might become undead some day, so behave.
+ Not possible to get Birona's Timewarp during next drill.
+ No, Life sorceresses are not an insult to Khaine. They know how to activate the Dwellers below. No, don’t dig your roommate to check.
+ Yes, Fire sorceresses worship Addaioth. No need to tell Ellinill, the messenger would be Addaioth himself anyway.
+ No, worshipping Addaioth does not mean that Fire sorceresses are coward.
+ What are you doing with this ring? Move away at more than 6" immediately, you fool! What? You've got a gem, too?
+ No comment on the dagger's efficiency. Your sacrifice may no longer suffice to bring powerdice, but it will certainly please the sorceress anyway.

+ No, warlocks don’t wear dreadlocks.
+ Not allowed to tease a sorceress to cast soul stealer on a warlock. Slaanesh would not find it funny.
+ No need to denounce warlocks, they are known already, they won't escape their fate, sooner or later.
+ There is no Slaaneshi conspiration, it has been organised by Malekith HimSelf.
+ Never tell warlocks that your lordling is as innocent and pure as fresh snow.
+ Now, get out and find him - and you'd better bring him back before they sacrificed him.
+ Yes, Slaanesh would be pleased, but neither Khaine nor your Dreadlord, so dismiss, and quick!
+ Not allowed to tell Warlocks that the Pale Queen Ereth Khial has gone in that direction and she may protect them from Slaanesh.
+ Especially if a Beastmaster went hunting with his scourgerunner in that very direction.

+ Beastmasters only hunt large monsters. If you want to eat snails, you must get them yourself.
+ Never play tug-of-war against a scourgerunner.
+ No, once for good, it is not a scrounge runner, it is scourge. So you need not to hide the food. Can you bring it back, now?

+ No, the fleetmaster was not a beastmaster who came too close to his beast's mouth.
+ No, it was not the fleetmaster who asked the sorceress to cast bladewind in order to propel his sailing ship faster - and no, he was not caught in the process, he lost his leg in combat.
+ Don't challenge a fleetmaster in a duel. Even if you're standing on sand. Without moving, he could grab you with his hook and drag you to his sabre pegleg.
+ Beware. Fleetmasters may not be the smartest of the lords, but they are the rashest: they are said to be the only lords who would dare to challenge without holding a black amulet.

+ No, if Lord's chariots cost more than regular chariots, that's not because of inflation. They got rid of the cheaper chariots they had before, because they broke all the time. Well, no, we don't know yet if the new ones are sturdier. No, you need not to try. Noooo! Not in the bushes! Dammit!
+ Not allowed to ask the cold one chariot to mow the lawn.
+ No, the cold one chariot is not a lizard's lawn mower, and the scroungerunner is not a rabbit's plow.
+ If someone told you that the scroungerunner needs to dig its spur deep into the earth when firing its harpoon before it can drag monsters, that's a lie.
+ Yes, all charioteers got a much improved balance compared to their predecessors, and can now maintain flat a single wheel chariot.
+ No, don't ask how two charioteers can shoot a harpoon and four bolts accurately while maintaining balance on a single wheel chariot. Anyway, they are not that accurate.
+ Don't feed carrots to dark steeds. Even those with longest ears.

+ Not allowed to make fun of the new name given to spearmen. Whatever it is. Hmmmpf. Pf. Pffff. Hahaha! well, yes, it is allowed for a couple of days, but then, you promise not to make fun of Dreadspears anymore.
+ Not allowed to make a competition for the most ridiculous name between Darkshards, Bleakswords and Dreadspears. It will be a draw, they all win. Easily.
+ Yes, the new regiment is called Bleakswords. No, their swords are just regular ones. But bleack. Not bleach, bleack. Not bling bling, bleaaaack.
+ Not allowed to organize a competition of the best alignment of spears.
+ Not allowed to organize simultaneously a competition about how many spears can be hit by a single bolt.

+ Not allowed to ask the rookie fresh recruit to go and pass a message to the Black Guard's detachment from the 21th tower.
+ Especially that kind of message.

+ Not allowed to organize a French Can Can competition for Sisters of Massacre. Nor a tango competition. Nor any dancing competition, they have enough training.
+ Not allowed to teach the Sister's musician a new, swinging jig.
+ Not allowed to lead the manticore in the sister's quarters. Even if you have a high bet on the poor beast. Now go and bury it.
+ Not allowed to switch Sisters' and Hags' shampoos.

+ Don't ask what Witch Elves drink in order to resist Har Ganeth extreme cold. You would not like to know. They are professionals, don't even try yourself.
+ No, the reason for Witch Elves bad temper is not because High Elves stole their robes.
+ Not allowed to spy Witch Elves in order to learn what is their shampoo secret. Witch Elves bathroom is off limits.
+ Don't try to guess one of the secret names of Khaine. It is not a riddle.
+ Not necessary to wax the cauldron's stair. Actually, it is even forbidden. No, Khaine would not be pleased, and the Hag would be pissed off.
+ The bowl on top of that ladder is not meant for the manticore's food. It is a little too high anyway.
+ Not allowed to borrow that ladder, even if there is a spare one remaining.
+ No, warlocks are not the ones who pull the cauldron. They don't even worship the same God.
+ If you don't know who pulls the cauldron, don't tell.
+ Yes, if the cauldron joins your unit, you must push it. That's why it gives you frenzy in the first place. No, you don't need your shield anymore in that case, the cauldron provides you his protection.
+ When the cauldon charges, you charge. Unless the Hag tells you not to charge, then you're allowed not to charge - but if you charge anyway, she won't blame you. Is that clear? Arrh..., forget it, just follow the move.
+ No, if Power of Darkness was cast from a Cauldron, it would not hit back the sorceress with frenzy. So, that's not the reason why coward sorceresses never climb that stair. And no, they are not coward, they are just not meant to go in melee.
+ No, if a sorceress leaves the front rank when a cauldron joins, it is not because they are coward, it is because the cauldron needs both the musician and the pennant at the front to guide its motion. So this is not a proof that they are coward.

+ Not allowed to tickle the statue holding the bowl. Even if it is to check if the transformation to stone is really permanent. Anyway, this medusa does not change to stone, she makes victims bleed.
+ Not allowed to use that mirror upstairs. Even if your hair needs combing. Even if it is worse than that lady’s hair upstairs. Which lady, by the way? Uh! Arrrrrgh!
+ <later> No, your lordling's blood is not worth giving to the Witch Elves, that was not an appropriate ritual.
+ No, that corpse in the pool of blood is no longer your lordling. Even if his leadership seems still above zero. You obey me, now. Glad to see that you understood it so quickly. And don't even think about doing the same trick to me.
+ Not allowed to ask a medusa about her former name. Even if you're wearing a mask.
+ Don’t chat with a medusa. Don’t engage conversation. Yes, they were female elves, but they lost the taste for conversation. No, they don’t recall any gossip from Ghrond.
+ Not allowed to worship Atharti in front of a medusa's shrine.
+ Not allowed to ask a Heavens' sorceress to try a teeny-tiny lightning on a medusa's left hand.
+ Not allowed to challenge sisters to dance with a medusa.
+ Not allowed to shout "charge" as soon as the medusa leaves her shrine. Now go and get her. Yes, don't forget to take a mask.
+ Hey, what's that? No, not allowed to bring your mongoose pet when you clean the shrine's stairways.
+ No, bloodwrack is the only colour it can get. Don’t paint it in pink. Even if it would be more cozy with that mirror.

+ Don't ask how to write the plural of medusa. You don't want to meet more than one at a time anyway.
+ No, the plural of Cold One Knight is not Cold Many Knights.
+ Don't worry if you cannot spell correctly kharibdyss.
+ Don't ask how many "s" gets Kharibdyss in plural. Anyway, that's less than assassins. Er, that would be one or two less. Er...
+ Don't ask how to write the plural of hydra. Same reason as medusa. Even if they are less rare than they used to be and you might find three of them together now.
+ No, the fact that you now can find three hydras when they were only two before does not mean that they have turned bigamists.
+ What do you mean, three hydras together, how many heads? Er, that's... it depends. Go ask the handlers.
+ Don’t wonder why hydras, since they lost their regeneration and have become easier to kill, are less rare than they used to be.
+ Not allowed to chop a hydra's head for the regiment's BBQ. The handlers know how to count up to 5. Or is it 6? Whatever.
+ Yes, the hydras which have more heads are fatter. The more the heads, the fatter the belly.
+ That thing in the fat hydra's belly is a leg, ready to grow. Yeah, in case they cut a leg, for a change. No, you're not allowed to try. No, it is not a scientific experience.
+ Handlers are exempt from all common chores. No, they don't have to fight themselves anymore either. No, it is not favouritism.
+ Yes, dragons are more intelligent than manticores. They know three words, "Uh?", "Grrrrr." and "Raaargh!", when manticores know only the last one. No, not allowed to teach "Uh?" to manticores. Neither "Grrrrr." That's a beastmaster's job.

+ Not allowed to bet about which Kharibdyss has more teeth.
+ Not allowed to sing in vicinity of a K-beast and see if it howls. Even if you cannot spell that name, you know what I mean.
+ Don't tell the dwarf slaves about how many gems are hidden in a K-beast's belly. That's a legend. No, I don't mean legendary, I mean untrue.
+ No, the sight of a kharibdyss eating a single horse with its five mouths is not something you want to see. Even if you feel you can count the teeth in the process.
+ No, chillwind would not turn a K-beast to just a giant snowman. Nor a frost elemental. They are not sea creatures, they just look so. Yes, they come from the ocean, but they are still not sea creatures.

+ No, this banner does not make you invisible, it makes you unbreakable. No, that's not the banner which is unbreakeable, that's not even you, that's just your unit, so stop hitting that banner. Now bring it back where you've taken it, and quick before anyone notices.

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Winds never stop blowing, Oceans are borderless. Get a ship and a crew, so the World will be ours! Today the World, tomorrow Nagg! {--|oBrotherhood of the Coast!o|--}


Thu Oct 10, 2013 5:39 pm
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Malekith's Best Friend
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Quote:
No, the plural of Cold One Knight is not Cold Many Knights.


How did I never think of this before?? :D

Good to see the List back! Once I've seen the new book I am sure there will be more to add ...

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Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:17 pm
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Malekith's Best Friend
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*I may not have warlocks practicing horsemanship near the female baracks, then have a collection fee for their "services."

*I may not name any beast I capture "Fluffy."

*Even if it is indeed fluffy.

*Painting a Target for a sorceress to cast her spells does not necessarily require one to paint "Over hill Stupid!!!!" in pigs blood.

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Who needs sanity? I have a Hydra


Fri Oct 11, 2013 1:02 am
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Killed by Khorne
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Location: Hinterlands of Khuresh; The Lost City of the Angels
Can't believe I never noticed this thread before. It is glorious :mrgreen:

*here's hoping for a howling K-beast comic soon* :P

- no, you can't invite the Witch Elves round to the barracks for a game of "Kiss, Cuddle or Slaughter"
- no, you can't invite the Sisters of Slaughter round to the barracks for a game of "Kiss, Cuddle or Slaughter"
- yes, you can invite the Harpies round to the barracks for a game of "Kiss, Cuddle or Slaughter". But only if word never gets out, and we all put some pennies in the Slaanesh box.
- What happens in Clar Karond, stays in Clar Karond.

- yes, Assassins are all wannabe transgender. But make sure none overhear you saying it.
- *sliicee..urgh!*
- yes, Assassins are all orphaned darkblades who's parents hated them and were glad they were stolen. But make sure none overhear you saying it.
- *swoosh..urgh!*

- no teasing Shades to "get a house and a real job"
- just because Shades live in clans in the backwoods and mountains doesn't mean they are inbred.
- not all Shades know how to play the banjo.
- don't go into the backwoods and mountains after teasing Shades, unless you want to learn how to squeal like a pig.
- don't count the fingers and toes on Shades.

- carrying a small mirror and using it to shine the reflection of the reflection of the Medusa into superior's faces is not "a laugh".
- compensation for the blood loss from the resulting nosebleeds and headaches will come out of your pay packet!
- you shall not tell new recruits that Deathnight in Har Ganeth is the "Party Capital of the World, Man!" and the best use of shore-leave. Even if calling it a "Once in a lifetime experience" is technically truthful.
- new recruits do not have to square up to Executioners to be accepted into the army.
- new recruits do not have to pinch the backside of Witch Elves to be accepted into the army.
- the loss of new recruits is coming out of your pension!

- you shall not feed Dark Steeds with carrots.
- you shall not send files in the post to your Dark Rider comrades.
- you shall not knit warm wooly jumpers with the Slaanesh symbol on it for the Warlocks, even if it is "to keep them warm in the freezing land of chill".

- Stealing Cold One Chariots to joyride is forbidden.
- Stealing Scourgerunner Chariots to joyride is allowed, as long as the Beastmasters don't trace the theft back to this barracks.
- Shooting a Scourgerunner harpoon into a Manticore does not make for a "Dark Elf Skycutter".
- Quick, lets get out of the way of that furious Manti....
- *Raargh!*

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Wed Jan 22, 2014 5:37 pm
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