Fluff:
As they neared the edge of the forest, Bugtoof led his ceremonial retinue of Orcs out before him. He was glad for the shade cast by their bulky shapes; his eyes had rarely seen the shine of the big glowy thing in the sky unfiltered by layers of thick foliage, and he felt he was already developing a huge 'eadache. Or did it have something to do with the ring on his right thumb?
Behind him came the rest of his lads in their distinctive gitcap camouflage. The beasts of burden and war, the Orcs, kept simple and stupid with no elective powers. The masses of Cult Goblins, the true masters of Glimmerswamp, with their traditional gitcap-shaped hats dedicated to Gork (or possibly Mork). Bugtoof only ever led Cultists to battle of whom he was sure they had voted for him, but there were also the wild kin on their spiders and the simple lot who operated the machines. Having no elective powers, they called themselves Morksists, and rambled on end about a Glimmerswamp free of social classes. Upstart gits, Bugtoof thought. Some of them even had the guts to try and get Bugtoof's pet Giant killed, but they usually found themselves squashed.
So now they found themselves in Bretonnia, many leagues from their native domains in the Border Princes. Having consulted with the other mighty Shamans, it was decreed that several Councillors wished to have a pleasant summer resort in the land of the shiny horsehumies, from where they could also plunder the vinyards to experiment with fungal wine concoctions. All they had to do was beat the little force of wimps assembled before them as they left the woods. Then Bugtoof's expedition would be a success, greatly increasing his chances in next Morrslieb's ballot day!
Forces:
Laurens:
Orc Big Boss, Ulag's Akrit Axe, Amulet of Protectyness, light armour, shield: 124
NG Big Boss, Wollopa's One Hit Wunda, Pipes of Doom, light armour, shield: 84
NG Shaman, lvl2, Nibbla's 'Itty Ring, 3x Magic Mushrooms, wolf: 125
20 Orcs, FC, shields: 150
19 Orc Big'uns, FC, additional choppa, Nogg's Banner of Butchery: 264
30 Night Goblins, FC, spears, 3 fanatics, nets: 250
5 Spider Riders, musician: 71
5 Spider Riders, musician: 71
Spear Chukka: 35
Spear Chukka: 35
2x Squig Herd: 60
Giant: 205
Total: 1495 points, 102 models, 4 PD, 3 DD
Thomas:
Paladin, decked out
Paladin, decked out
Paladin BSB
Damsel lvl1
Knights of the Realm
Knights of the Realm
Peasant Archers
Pegasus Knights
Grail Knights
Terrain and deployment
A symmetrical battlefield, with hills at the eastern table corners (my east), a large building between those two hills, about six inches from the eastern table edge, and two woods roughly in the middle of the two western table quarters.
Laurens deploys from left to right:
Giant - Spider Riders with Shaman - Orcs - Night Goblins with Big Boss - Big'uns with General - Spider Riders - Squig Herd - Spear Chukkas on the hill behind the last two units.
Thomas deploys from my left to my right:
Knights of the Realm with Paladin and BSB - Pegasus Knights - Peasant Archers - Knights of the Realm with Paladin (general) - Grail Knights
Turn 1
Laurens:
The Bretonnian army prays, so my Orcs go first. Animosity does little damage to my plans, with only the Orc unit squabbling. The left unit of Spider Riders with Shaman traverse the woods in front of them to get the latter in range of the large Lance to my west and bait them to charge, the other Spider unit does the same on the other side of the field, and the rest of the army cautiously moves forward. Magic does nothing, as both Gaze of Mork and Brain Bursta are easily dispelled. Then however, my Spear Chukkas open fire on the central KotR lance. Both hit, but one fails to wound the first target. The other bolt flies straight through and impales four Knights... causing the unit to panic and flee 10" off the table. Bye bye Bretonnian general. The adjacent Archers also panic, but do not flee off table.
Thomas:
Cursing my fortune and his lack of dice luck, Thomas rolls an 8 for his Archers' rallying test, so they run off table as well. Sighing, he cautiously moves the remaining KotR unit forward far enough from my Giant, and flies his Pegasus Knights over to the front of his Grail Knights, who take a detour along the far side of the tall building and end up close to the Spider Riders. Having rolled the healing spell from the Lore of Life with his Damsel and no more Bowmen, this ends his first turns.
Turn 2
Laurens:
No units squabble this turn, but the Spider Riders in front of the Grail Knights decide to race ahead and slam into the small lance. Bye bye tactics. With no opponents to their front, the Big'uns decide to move up to the fight developing with the Grail Knights and arrive nearly at the flank of the Squig Herd. The Night Goblins move into Fanatic triggering range of the Pegasus Knights, but the three loonies only manage to bring down one of them. Magic sees my Shaman miscast and blow himself and the adjacent Spider Rider up - he really did absolutely nothing whatsoever. Then for the second major blow: the Pipes of Doom. My NG Big Boss, almost central on the field, blows them and causes his lance + BSB + Paladin to flee off table... Awtch. What's worse for my opponent, my puny Forest Goblins kill two Grail Knights with their spears and lose one of their number, leading the combat to a draw. Ridiculous.
Thomas:
With only the Pegasus Knights left and the Grail Knights locked in combat, he charges the former into my rightmost Spear Chukka, and of course kills the crew easily. His Grail Knights fare much better and kill three Spider Riders with no wounds from the remaining musician in return. I flee off table, and he overruns into my Squig Herd, who hold.
Turn 3
Laurens:
I call a Waaagh, which sees every unit moving forward the extra bit confidently (the Orcs with shields and Night Goblins deeper into empty table quarters), except for the leftmost Spider Riders who squabble and take 4 wounds, effectively wiping them out. The Orcs and Night Goblins clip into Fanatics, but take remarkably light casualties despite the five hits each. The Giant moves towards the hill where the Pegasus Knights are causing a fuss, as he's now my fastest mover. The Big'uns charge the Grail Knights, now reduced to three + Damsel, in their flank. The Grail Knights only kill three Squigs, the Big'uns fluff their attacks and the Big Boss kills one, causing the Grail Knights to lose by two and run off table after yet another failed ld test.
Thomas:
Determined to bag some easy points, the Pegasus Knights charge and wipe out the second Spear Chukka.
Turn 4
Laurens:
With no squabbles this turn, the Squigs and Big'uns turn and advance slightly towards the Pegasus Knights, and the Giant does the same. The Fanatics are killed by terrain impacts.
Thomas:
The Pegasus Knights slam into the Squig Herd and cause three casualties taking no wounds in return, but the unit holds due to the Big Boss' presence and me rolling a 4.
Turn 5
Laurens:
The Big'uns squabble, so the Giant takes the hint and slams into the Pegasus Knights' flank, swings with club and kills one. The remaining Pegasus Knight kill one Squig handler, but flees off table due to CR, ending the battle.
Victory Points
Laurens: 1500 + 750 + 100
Thomas: 355
Result: 1995 points, which is, umm, a massacre to the Orcs&Goblins
Aftermath
Bugtoof sat in his makeshift hut with a severe frown on his face. Zog it, but he was jealous. Just when his time came to shine, his powers had backfired and he had been catapulted through the spirit world of Gork (or possibly Mork) on a green cloud before landing in a swamp several leagues from the battlefield. When he had caught up with his force, they were already picking clean the bodies of the few Bretonnians who had stood and fought. Business as usual with the shiny wimps, Bugtoof thought. So shiny they didn't allow him to shine. Oh well, there was always another day.