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Murphy's unwritten rules of warhammer 
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Malekith's Personal Guard
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2+ armour saves result in automatic failiures when hit by horses, skaven slaves, goblins or anything else with no armour save modifiers

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Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:17 am
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Bounce wrote:
The only time you cast irresistable force will be chillwind with 2 dice against a large block unit of plaguebearers and not when casting Black Horror with 4 dice on a 10 man unit of Dragon Princes.
I managed that once. Good times. What made it even more sweet was my *other* sorceress managed it against the line of 10 Silver Helms on the other flank on the same turn.

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Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:06 pm
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Your new Vampire Count list with an uber magic lord will miscast with the first spell of the game and roll double 1s...
The steeds will always kill more than the riders unless they have lots of attacks or have hatred.
You will miss when single shooting large targets with RBT's and get high amounts of hits when shooting at waywatchers with Rxb's...
Those lone wood elf mages with longbows will always shoot down either the last remaining knight or causing the last wound on your chariot about to charge those glade guard or wardancers...

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Sat Dec 13, 2008 11:22 am
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-Dryads will always kill more COK than COK will kill dryads when the knights charge.
-Nobles/Masters will never kill anything in melee if it has higher stats than T3W1 no armor.
Pretty much has to do with the former:
-Out of 1-3 to wound rolls on 2+, you will always fail at least one.

About high armor saves..
-2+ unmodified will fail a LOT. 2+ modified to 3+ will save ridiculously often. 2+ modified to 4+ succeeds less than 25% of the time.
-A save of 1+ against S4 will never fail.

-if you manage to hit a large target with a single shot from RBT (unlikely to happen), S6 will not be enough to pass the wounding roll.
-Hydrae will always fail regen saves against S4 and lower (Had 4 wounds taken away by 10 Glade Guard in a single turn one game)
-Every one of your Sorceresses will always have exactly the arcane item they do not need in that game (not counting scrolls)
-For that matter, your Sorceresses will always roll exactly the wrong spells for their combination of magic items/steeds.
-Your Harpies will make a wound to a Treeman if they happen to get into melee, whereas nothing else will be able to even scratch the beast.
-When your enemy rolls below average on to hit, they will succeed 90% of to wound rolls no matter how much they need.
-Ld8 always fails fear tests.
-Black Dragons do not effectively cause terror because everything passes their terror tests against them.
-Waywatchers will always score a single killing blow on characters riding a monster.
-Hatred means you get exactly the amount of hits with rerolls that statistics say you should get even without them. The autopursue will never catch enemies but will leave your units in tactically challenging positions at the end of your turn.
-The turn you decide to use Banner of Cold Blood with your CoK, they roll three 1's on the stupidity check.
-Harpies will succeed every Ld based test you don't want them to.
-When you have several kinds of attacks in a melee, the weakest ones will get the most hits, while the stronger ones get little or no hits.

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Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:55 pm
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How could I forget the following one!
It happened so often that it seems now mandatory.

When you snipe a lord with your cannon, if ever nobody manages to yell "watch out, Sir!" then the wounding dice will be automatically a "1".

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Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:58 pm
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I could not miss this topic :D

When playing against ogres with your trusted manticore you'll try to make the gnoblar unit flee from terror. Obviously they will always pass they Ld check, answering with 40 shots that will do at least 2 wounds on your Manticore.

When you reach the bretonnian trabuchet with 4 or more harpies you'll be unable to do any damage to the crew and they will make the harpies flee. I'd like to say that this is not only something that happened to me once. It happened 3 times in 3 different games, so it MUST be an unwritten rule.

When having the dreadlord mounted with +d3 attacks and potion of strenght, using the Kb from the cauldron, you'll never be able to get one with 7 attacks, while the Khorne herald you charged will surely get one, slaying your general.

Chances to get a miscast when using 2 dice vs the ring of hotek are 1/6. False. They are 1/345656, and this miscast will do a hit at S2 to the enemy mage that will obviously fail to wound or will be the rebound result with your sorceress in the middle of the farthest wood on the table.

Anytimes your executioners drop from the movement base they will surely loose their blades (if you haven't pinned them).

Any ld check you'll take at Ld 8 will be passed, while you'll regularly fail those done when near the general. The reality is that the chance of failing a Ld test on 10 isn't 1/12, this is the real chance of failing the Ld8. The chances at Ld 10 are 1/3.

Don't worry. Your dragon will never be killed by S6 or more shots. It will be that nasty thunderer you left alone that, in long range but seeing at 360°, will kill the beast.

Bretonnian archers are the best unit in the whole game, simply because they never panic and will always earn their points back. No matter their cost nor the units you have. They'll always get more points than their cost.

The only time your opponent guess right with his catapult he'll get a hit.

When the catapult hits your character, without ward saves nor regeneration, that fails his "look out sir", will kill it making 3 wounds (if is a great hero) or 2 (if is a normal hero).

On average you'll always beat the dwarven crew with your dark riders because the horses made 3 kills.

When having a lvl 4 sorceress you'll always be unable to get the spell you wanted, so you'll start complaining about not taking the tome of Furion.

When the chances are few, the result will be awesome.

The more your unit is protected and the more will be the saving throws you'll fail.

When charging with a chariot and needing a high roll on impact hits to have some chances to stand the combat, you'll always get 1. When charging with a chariot that would win even only with the crew and the cold ones attack, you'll get 4+.

Enemy artillery will misfire the turn after they killed your monster/general.

Stupidity never hits on the first 2 turns (when starting for second) or on the first turn (when starting first).

Your statistical calculation shows what should happen any times but in the situation you are involved.

Your jinx is proportional to the opponent's luck.

But I've to admit that there is still hope... if you play correctly, not making many mistakes, you should be able to avoid a massacre even if throwing only 1s all the times.

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Last edited by Master of arneim on Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:15 pm
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if you are playing as Dwarves, Khorne, or tomb kings, the only miscast result your opponent will get is 5-6 thus letting you cast one of your spells (ohh yay)

no unit breaks faster then one that is stubborn

cavalry who fail their break test, would have passed it using their flee distance on three dice (break test on 8, roll a 11, roll to run on 3 dice, get a 5)

the skeleton champions of your tomb king units are the best models in your whole army (princes can't score a single hit, but the champ gets 3 wounds on a treeman)

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Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:57 pm
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Exart wrote:
-if you manage to hit a large target with a single shot from RBT (unlikely to happen), S6 will not be enough to pass the wounding roll.

Unless you are fielding goblin BT's, they will hit ALWAYS when shooting at large targets...

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Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:03 pm
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the Mad
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The last model you finished painting is always the first model to die.

There is never enough room to deploy.

Calling it "Shouting" rather then "Shooting" improves the damage you'll deal in that phase.

Never use a game of warhammer to settle an argument. No matter what happens, you lose.

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Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:27 pm
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Pay attention to all these words of wisdom above (and soon-to-be-posted below, as well).
Otherwise, you will face a misfortune such the one I just experienced this evening:

When you move your sorceress from the edge of the unit, towards the centre of the front row,
- if your opponent is fair play enough to remind you that in case of a miscast, there will be more models in contact with the sorceress,
- and if you answer "I'll take the chance"...

... then your fate is sealed...

... because not only...

... the first spell attempt of your sorceress will result in a miscast,
obviously followed by a 3 or 4 (= all models in contact suffer a hit),
from which all 5 models in contact AND the sorceress will suffer a wound...

... but also...

... later on in the game, missing 5 models will be enough to force a Leadership test after the opponent did "stand and shoot" at your charge...
... after failing this test and taking a couple more casualties, you'll end the game barely below the minimum number required to rally your über-unit-of-doom which values 1/3 of your army...
... saving the opponent from a certain massacre (result was a draw).


Three conclusions:

1. Be fair play. It always pays back, sooner or later and even sometimes sooner.
2. Never challenge your Fate. Fate's revenge is terrible.
3. Don't be supersticious. It brings real bad luck.

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Last edited by Calisson on Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:02 pm
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Arquinsiel wrote:
Camaris wrote:
-If you are preparing to play camaris, don't boast about the stats/items of your uber lord while he is composing his list.
Hate to break to break it to you, but this is just common sense, not any ability you have.


I hate to break it to you, but that was kind of my point. ;)


Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:09 pm
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Yes I agree with don't tempt fate.

Never let that 40 point unit of gnoblars reach combat against your RXB unit. They will pass their stand and shoot panic, they will cause five wounds, and you will fail all five and proceed to be run down losing those points and losing the game because of it.

Also, those harpies you so carefully positioned to get a turn two charge against enemy warmachines will miss all 10 attacks, take two in return and run away never to be seen again.

Finally, never call out what you need to pass a break test, you'll always roll one higher than it.


Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:23 am
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When you are casting with supreme with sac. dagger, you will sacrifice only one model for the first spell. The following spells you will forget to add another dice!

And when you roll it from habit immidietly (yep, you roll for spell on one dice and without any watching of result you will roll another dice from a habit) it will be a miscast.


Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:07 am
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For the record, Shields


Anderson wrote:
Prince Daerlythe wrote:
I checked with GW staff


Umm... there is a general rule around here - if someone asks a GW employee for rules clarifications and then post whatever they said, the argument is automatically lost for that side ;)

GW staff usually are no more capable at solving rules problems than experience players are, and often you will get contradicting answers from different GW employees, sometimes ever from the same person.

HUZZAH!

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:37 am
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Calisson wrote:
For the record, Shields


Anderson wrote:
Prince Daerlythe wrote:
I checked with GW staff


Umm... there is a general rule around here - if someone asks a GW employee for rules clarifications and then post whatever they said, the argument is automatically lost for that side ;)

GW staff usually are no more capable at solving rules problems than experience players are, and often you will get contradicting answers from different GW employees, sometimes ever from the same person.

HUZZAH!


HAHAHA Priceless - what should one do without ;)

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:50 am
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Your most crucial magic phase in the game will always end early due to a miscast on your first chillwind.

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 6:51 pm
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If you roll a 1 on PoD and then use the sac dagger that will also be a 1.

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:07 pm
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If you give a try to the crystal of midnight,
aware that it is an overcosted item but still you want to give it a chance against common opinion,
knowing that Night Gobbos Shaman's Leadership is 5,
does the chance seem reasonable?
Answer - You bet: the Ld test result on 3 dice was... 5.
I'm telling you, it did happen. :shock:

Oh, and never, ever let your sorceress alone, away from her babysitting unit.
Otherwise, there will be a unit of 10 bowmen who will get away from their cover, move 4",
shoot, the range will be 23",
they will need 7 to hit, and they will manage to make... exactly 2 wounds.
Don't laugh, it did happen. :cry:

For KB assassins:
When you fight a magician, you roll two KB and additionally wound him twice.
When you fight a knight's BSB, you roll no KB, he saves the wounds and kills you with 2 wounds.
At least, that's my experience. :x

My more general meta-conclusion, about Murphy's unwritten laws:
When you start a game, don't say: "this time, I'm not triggering any new law for Murphy."
If you do, well, my present post, and the previous one (14th December), and the one before are blatant testimonies of what happens :roll:

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:58 pm
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Threatening your models or dice with either destruction or a fate worse than death will result in your next dice roll for that unit to be exactly what you need whether it be double 1s for leadership or rediculous number of 6s for damage.

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Thu Jan 01, 2009 12:47 am
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Painted models, point for point, will always defeat unpainted models.


Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:44 pm
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GrogsnotPowwabomba wrote:
Painted models, point for point, will always defeat unpainted models.


Or the total other way around. Finally having that new unit painted up, you'll get hammerd by you opponets freshly glued, plastic grey army.


Never borrow your models to a friend and then play against it. You'll get owned by the units that never do anything when you play with them.

EDIT: just a thought, but wouldn't it be nice to pick out the best ones, put them in the OP and make it a sticky?

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Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:33 pm
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Neves wrote:
just a thought, but wouldn't it be nice to pick out the best ones, put them in the OP and make it a sticky?
It is already kind of sticked:
I included the thread in the D.R.A.I.C.H. - Playing the game, which is sticked.
Now, for the best ones, the choice would be really hard, so many are funny!

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Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:05 pm
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A squad of 10 conscripts will always do better than that squad of Terminators.

When you boast about that +6 Ward Save you made for your hero then failing every other save for your squad. Then fleeing.

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Wed Jan 07, 2009 3:25 am
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GrogsnotPowwabomba wrote:
Painted models, point for point, will always defeat unpainted models.


GW want us to believe, yeah!
(But excactly as Neves said, my beautifully converted and painted new unit of Knights still suffers from Stupidity, lousy Armour Saves and will eventually be broken by that plastic grey and empty bases-filled unit of 10 gobbos....)


Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:43 am
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My favourite:
The first one to fail his terror test is the Lord general.

Battle preparation:
When you tailor your army for a specific foe, your usual opponent will surprise you with a completely unexpected set.
When you try an expansive, rare unit for the first time in your Army, it will fail its charge, will be charged the next turn and destroyed without killing anything.
When you tailor the terrain for one or two specific spells, you’ll get the other spells.
When you need to deploy on one side or at least to deny it to your opponent, he will win the deployment roll.
When you have a single unit able to deal with a specific foe, you’ll have less units to deploy than the opponent. He will deploy that unit last (and far away from your specific unit).
When something bad must happen, it happens immediately. This explains why the Green Knight appears before you can move away from the wood next to your rear.

Equipment:
If you take flaming arrows, the regenerating monster will never come into range.
If you pay 70pts for a 4+ ward save, it will never work.
If you buy a KB lance, you’ll kill only cheap units with 5+ armour.

Spells:
When your opponent has useless spells, these spells will affect you effectively in some unexpected way.
When you keep your dispel dice for an important spell instead of dispelling an easier spell, you’ll fail to dispel and get both spells cast.
When your enemy gets 2 on 2D6, measure the corresponding distance: he needed only 2”.

Warmachines:
When your warmachine has the perfect spot on top of a hill with a great view over the whole battlefield, it is destroyed before your turn 2.
When you neglect the small template warmachine that will be destroyed by turn 2, its single shot destroys or frightens away one of your key units.
When you evaluate a distance for a very important shot, you’ll fail your distance estimation.
When your precious unit is saved by a wrong distance estimation, the deviation brings back the template on it.
When you hit a monster with a weapon making 1D6 wounds, it regenerates first.

Missiles:
When you measure to see if you are out of missile range, you are within range.
When you shoot/breath at a model with no armour, you don’t make any wound.
When you take a single wound from missiles, it is enough to make you loose one rank bonus.

Charge LOS and ranges:
When you plan doing five charges for a battle breaking point, at least four will fail.
When you have a magic device increasing the charge’s range, the increase obtained is 1” too short.
When you leave a magic-user alone, he is charged by turn 2.
When you hope to avoid some charge, you’ll turn out to be within LOS and range.
When you need to get out of a dragon’s LOS, you fail the terror test and remain in its LOS and in range.
When you’re out of charging range, you’re in breath range.
When you position perfectly in order to avoid a charge, the opponent has a magic device increasing the charge’s range.

Flank charges & screening:
When you get in position to support an ongoing melee with a flank charge, your opponent wins immediately and the pursuing unit gets out of your LOS.
When you prepare to rear charge in support of a melee, the opponent wins the melee and pursues far enough to escape your charge.
When you set up for a flanking supporting charge, the target is destroyed before you can charge.
When your flank charge is successful and you get at the target, the main charge alone was enough to wipe out the opponent.
When you set up for a flank charge just for the flank bonus, you’ll face a frontal charge instead.
When you set up a screening troop, it is destroyed in a single phase and the charger pursues.
When you screen your main unit against a flank charge, your screening unit is destroyed AND you get the flank charge.

Charge reactions:
When you stand & shoot, you trigger no morale reaction and your unit is destroyed on the spot.
When you need the opponent’s cheap screening troops to terror-move away from your dragon’s path towards more expansive troops, the cheap troops pass their terror test.
When you bravely pass a terror-charge test from a charging monster, you are destroyed on the spot.

Fleeing:
When you risk fleeing into an opponent and be destroyed, you fail your terror test and flee.
When a unit is most likely to flee inside an opponent and be destroyed, it rolls 2 on 2D6 and survives.
When you rally a unit, the only thing it can do is to receive a charge during next turn.

Psychology:
When your hydra regenerates a horrible wound, one beastmaster is killed and the hydra fails its morale test.
When a cold one unit needs to charge, it will fail its stupidity test.
When two cold one units need to charge simultaneously, they will both fail their stupidity test.
When you may charge, you’ll fail the fear test.
When you need your opponent to fail a morale test, he will pass it.
Peasants pass terror tests. Knights fail it.
When you pass the missile morale test, you’ll fail the terror test just after.

Wounding & killing:
When you receive 5 wounds and have armour save 3+ and ward save 6+, you save 1 wound and have 4 killed.
When a chariot has 4 wounds left, it looses 3 of them in a single round.
When a chariot has 1 wound left, it looses 0 in three rounds of melee.
When an assassin manages to kill a magic BSB, you realize that the BS had no more use anyway. The assassin is killed just after.
When you have nearly no chance of wounding, you wound.
If you managed to wound once a Lord, you’ll never do it again and you’ll earn no VP for that.
When you need to kill three cavalry to deny a rear charge bonus, you’ll kill two.
Stubborn troops only roll two possible results on morale dice: their exact Ld (the opponent's) or one more (yours).

Winning the battle:
When you kill the Green Knight, he comes back in turn 6 and denies any VP.
If you just let a fleeing unit run away, it will stop at 1” from the table’s edge, rally in Turn 6 and deny a ¼ table.
When the situation is desperate for one player, he will recover steadily during the last turn.
When an opponent comes back from a desperately loosing situation, he’ll miss the draw by 1pt and it will remain a loss for him.

About Murphy’s unwritten laws:
There is no limit to the number of Murphy’s unwritten laws applying to a single battle:

All of the above rules were observed during a single battle!
This is why some of them were already posted - sorry for the incovenience of the déjà-vu.

See the full battle report:
Murphy was the umpire. 2k vs. Bretonnians (very long report)

Did I missed any other rule?

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Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:43 pm
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