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A dark ones past part 10 

Did you enjoy Reading the story?
Yes 83%  83%  [ 5 ]
No 17%  17%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 6

A dark ones past part 10 
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Cold One Knight
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im in leicster (spelling never been able to get the hang of the spelling) and i glad i could compliment you, you seriously could become a pro, its one of the best peices of writing ive seen outside a book

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Sun Mar 19, 2006 7:57 am
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Carlaith staggered towards the door, everything seemed to be hazy and unclear. She heaved open the door, she stood in a dimly lit corridor. She looked down and could see a bright light emitting from below, she walked towards it, yet another cheer bellowed forth. She gingerly made her way down the stone stair; her sight was beginning to become clear.

She had found the cause of all the noise. A large number of Druchii had assembled, the majority gulping down vast amounts of wine. A small majority where seated within the corners of the room. The area gave of little light. There sat a number of Druchii nobles, being entertained by a number of young elven maidens. Amongst the tables that lay scattered across the room, candles where lit. A great cauldron of fire lay in the middle; all the Druchii seemed focused towards the centre. Standing near the cauldron was the elderly elf that had started this whole conspiracy, a young sorceress sat beside him.

The Elf called for silence and every single Druchii listened intensively, save one who was curled up in the corner, preoccupied with violent attacks of illness, the cause of too much quality wine. The Elf began too speak, and spoke in a deep voice
‘‘My fellow Druchii, after all these long years, our task is nearing an end. For years I have searched, I have looked within every land of my knowledge, searching for something, an aspect of power that will ensure the might of the Druchii is known. In my search I have found many who sit in this room, noble and skilled warriors, all have helped create this grand army. But this is not enough; we must look to darker, more sinister ways of holding power. And that is what I have found’’

The crowd started to stir and whisper amongst themselves, a silence crept over once more as the elf held up a blade
‘‘ This is the key, a key to unlock the power, power that has never blessed the Druchii before, the Asur banished a mighty Daemon of Khorne, decades ago, being to weak to defeat it, or perhaps too foolish not to embrace it. This blade will release the daemon and with the aid of our own, dark magic’s we will tame this great beast, and unleash its rage amongst the Asur, I may have disgraced my people in the past but this, this is my act that will erase all the shame I have inflicted upon the Druchii. This night, we shall have revenge, and we shall go forth to their homeland, our true homeland. There we will unleash there darkest nightmares’’

Sorry this is a bit late, but there have been a whole load of things that i have been writting recently, so unffortunatley this has been placed under part of my to do list, hope you like it, finally this story is coming to an end.
:D


Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:27 pm
Cold One Knight
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im glad you remembered i thought you'd forgotten. its great as usual :D

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Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:45 pm
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No i havent forgotten, but ive got the story competiotin to write, joined an RPG, which is the first time ive played one, and i have joined the cult of pleasure, so ive been a bit busy :D


Fri Mar 24, 2006 6:35 pm
Cold One Knight
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yeah i saw you join the RPG :) sorceress queen asked me but i went into pale warrior's. i wish i was busy. but i suppose ther IS the RPG but i get bored easily. its good to keep busy, but its also good to write this story. i love it as i have said :)

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Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:08 pm
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Highborn
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I'm leaving the story competition to you pros so I have more than enough time to comment on your other work. :D

It's still looking good though I would think this was all an introduction to a really big story. I was therefore a bit surprised to heart it was going to end anytime soon. I'm looking forward to it, though. Wonder what you make of it.

Only one remark: in your first paragraph, you use the same structure quite often (something I'm guilty of too). Most of your sentences begin with 'she'. Perhaps you could consider using a little variation?

Other than that, it looks really good.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 11:38 am
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The story is coming to an end in the current story line, i wasnt entending to carry on this story but if there is an audience for it and people like it then i will have to consider new ways of moving the story along, and with the structure of the sentences its something that i dont notice or pay enough attention to as i should do so thanks for pointing out that SleekDD. :D


Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:44 pm
Cold One Knight
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there is a demand for more of this. if only from me :D

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:15 pm
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The room suddenly burst in to activity, as all of the Druchii in the room, got to their feet, and evacuated the room. Carlaith suddenly felt alone and confused. She could hardly stand up let alone think. Her back slid against the cool stonewall, as she inched towards the floor, and bringing her hands towards her head.

With the room empty, and no one left to discover her, Carlaith forced her self of the ground. Fresh air hit Carlaith; this only seemed to intensify the spinning in her head.
She surveyed her surroundings, in one direction the host of Druchii that had just left, and in the other direction a new set of faces emerged. Except one, the leader of the city guard rushed towards Carlaith, with a hundreds of his own loyal guard close behind. A smile emerged upon Carlaith’s face, at the thought of another friendly soul.

The leader of the guard came close to Carlaith
‘‘Are you alright Carlaith, who are the those who have just left’’?
‘‘They are led by him, the elf I told you about, they have acquired the blade, it appears to be a chaos blade of some sorts, they talk of unleashing s daemon. It lies within Ulthuan, he must be a chaos worshiper…I couldn’t stop him… there where to many…. to many’’
Carlaith’s eyes rolled in the back of her head as she collapsed into the arms of guard leader. With Carlaith in his arms, he summoned two of his men two carry her wile he addressed the remaining of his company
‘‘It seems that we have a traitor within the lines of nobility; this said he is still a traitor, a servant of chaos. We will be performing our lord Malekiths work by killing this fool. We may be forced to slay our own kin, but his lords work must be done, we follow them, they shall lead us to this accursed place’’

Dark visions flashed through Carlaith’s mind, strange voices screamed, as she lay paralysed in the arms of the two guards. She could see fire and blood, all around dead elven bodies, upon a hill two figures stood, they took no part in the bloodshed but simply watched.

The company marched cautiously, not far from their prey. They travelled silently. A short time passed when they found themselves in the docks. Anchored upon the bay where a vast amount of magnificent ships, vessels of all sizes great and small, here lay one of the great powers of their nation, the Druchii fleet. The company halted, as they watch the chaos worshipers board a large vessel, its sail already awaiting the howl of the wind. Within minutes the ship was ready as it set of to ride the midnight waves.

The company set forth again in search for a ship of there own, to carry on the pursuit of there foes, and to take them to the isles of Ulthuan, there task, to stop an even greater minion of chaos to be unleashed upon the world.

ive given this careful thought and have decide to make this an extended short story, but the way ideas are coming up it could well turn out to be a book :shock: i have a set idea for where it is going but would appriciate some detailed feed back on what people like most about the story is there any part that you would like to find out about, and i would like to thank Lamehk the slavemaster sleekDD and Mornar Shethurith, you have become regualars too nearly all my posts, so thanks it nice to have a regular audience :D


Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:49 pm
Cold One Knight
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its unfortunate when people say you've become a regular on the internet, it seems to show no life outside the web. :cry: :cry: :cry: but it is good and i dont mind becomeing a regular to such good writing. just try putting more effort into the grammar (you wrote to instead of too) and it will be perfect.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:24 pm
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Carlaith had finally gained control of her body, speculation between her and the crew lead to suspicions that she had been drugged or bewitched, when she was knocked unconscious. The shadows of the night had begun to disappear. The suns warm blaze peering over the horizon. Sea gulls flew overhead, diving into the waters, some emerging with a glint of silver within their beak. Even the waters where calm and peaceful. Such a contrast comparing it with the bloodshed, which would soon occur.

Walking towards the side of the boat Carlaith caught the sight of there Goal. The huge ship, carrying a most dangerous horde of people that she had encountered so far. As she stared she was a glorious picture to the eyes of crew. Her hair seemed to float, as the wind flew around her. A glint of blue within her eyes, of almost pure crystal, a deep blue. So much so that the very sea could not compare. The suns rays wrapped gently around her slender figure. Beyond the ship lay the land of Ulthuan, taking a look back to her homeland of Naggaroth, she wondered. How can a small space of sea, separate such to different lands, cultures who are binned by blood, but so different in every possible way imaginable. How had she become tangled in such a scheme? Was it two much to ask for a live of peace.

The captain of the guard strolled towards her, and stood inches away from where she stood.
‘‘You seemed troubled, its dangerous to keep thoughts locked away’’
‘‘I fell like im dreaming, for months now I have patrolled the streets of Naggaroth, such a simple task. And now this Its hardly the way I would wish it to be’’
‘‘You should be grateful, what you may see some may never see in a lifetime, some wait for endless amounts of years, yearning for the taste of battle. You have led an active life to this date.
‘‘I may not live to see the moon rise again’’
The captain placed his arm around her shoulder
‘‘I think you underestimate yourself Carlaith. The heat of battle transforms people, even the quietest of people posses a daemon within themselves. You only have to discover it’’
He left her to her thoughts and returned to his business.

Bells sounded form the mast
‘‘Land ahoy’’
Finally they had reached the shores of Ulthuan, their enemies already felt the sands of the island, as they marched in a column towards the nearby mountains.


Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:59 pm
Cold One Knight
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wow youre getting these off fast! brilliant as always :D. just one peice of advice, get it proof read before hand. you dont need to its good, but it would add to it.

still brilliant

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:06 pm
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Perhaps i could pm them first, Would you be intrested in doing that for me Lamehk ?, it would be a great help. :D


Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:59 pm
Cold One Knight
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sure.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:24 pm
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Like it. Like it alot. Thats proberbly the best story posted in quite awhile. Compared to your first story, this was like striking gold. Needs to be prrof read, and have a few grammar problems fixed, but other than that it's a gem!

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Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:31 am
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The sun now shone with all its glory upon Ulthuan. The chaos worshippers had assembled themselves on one of the peaks of the mountains. They seemed to be huddled around a cave, protecting the entrance.

Carlaith climbed the rocky pathway, along with the rest of the company from the guard. A whole host of thoughts crept through Carlaith’s mind. What would this daemon be capable of were it released. If the elves of the past could not defeat it how could they, especially with a force of Druchii behind it? Their company was made from many brave individuals. Many of them were skilled warriors but still, they were too few in numbers- Far too few to take on such a task. But one thought appeared more than any other- The words that the captain had spoke to her- We all had a daemon inside us- this had been the most comforting words that had been said to her.

Ever since she had joined the city guard, the captain had helped her. Ever since she had refused to address him by his official name, it was always considered an act of disrespect. His real name however was Adrek. He was older than Carlaith but he was still young in the eyes of the Druchii. Beneath his armour lay a handsome face, jet-black hair and light blue eyes. Yet he rarely showed his features, as he almost lived in his armour. He believed it was foolish to discard it, as there is always the possibility of battle within Naggaroth. In the past, Carlaith had never believed such a statement, but these last few days had taught her to adopt such ways. Although she had always enjoyed a close relationship with Adrek, these past days had changed her view of him. She felt almost closer to him then she had done before.

She neared the top of the mountain, and there he was. He wrapped his arms around her as he helped her to her feet. There the two Druchii forces assembled, only feet away. The forces of chaos were indeed guarding a cave- an unnatural darkness seemed to emit from its entrance. Adrek stepped forth, and with a deep powerful voice addressed the chaos forces.
‘‘Stand aside; in the name of our lord Malekith cease your false allegiance to this false lord. He has been tainted by chaos; you need not follow his same path. Aid us in the death of this fool, and our mighty king may consider saving your lives. If you refuse, you will all die where you stand, and Khaine will have his way with you’’.

All was silent- a gentle breeze, blew. The eyes of the two opposing forces locked against each another. The silence was broken when a blade clattered upon the ground. One of the chaos worshippers stepped forward- his hands held in the air
‘‘Please take me away, I did not realise the error of my ways… my allegiance is with Khaine not this….’’
His words where cut short as a bolt sunk into the back of his head, his body collapsed to the dusty ground, a pool of blood seeping forth from his wound.

Without another word blades were held high as the two forces crashed amongst each another, screaming out their bloody rage. Carlaith gripped her blade tightly and joined the carnage that had erupted. Blades slashed in every direction, warm blood staining the face of the mountain. The rage of battle had indeed transformed Carlaith, as her blade cut through the soft flesh of elf after elf. All her anxieties had drifted away, replaced with a deep level of satisfaction at performing her lord’s work. She saw traitors scream and die with one foul swipe of her deadly blade, which shone in the sunlight. If only she had experienced this years ago- the thrill of adrenalin, the strange sensation as her heart pumped two hundred beats a minute, and beating like a drum. As the blood coursed through her veins she felt like a God, so powerful that even this daemon could be slain by her skill. Adrek moved with equal skill, they seemed unstoppable. They had both broken through the chaos lines- now the greatest challenge lay before them, and it lay within the cave which now glowed with a deep red glow. A deep roar echoed from within...


Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:29 pm
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(*cracks knuckles* this will be fun :P )

Raziel, you sit in your study reading a letter that has been sent to you from the Scholars of the Dark Lore. They say that your tales have intrigued them and that they are sending an editor to rid your story of objectionable material and/or errors. You know that what they mean by this is that they want to make sure that there is no treason written onto these scrolls.

A slave enters the room, bows, and says, "Lord Shadowsage has arrived my lord." The slave then hangs his head and exits. Not five seconds later, an extraordinarily elderly Druchii strides in and bows curtly. You wonder how one so old can support the weight of such heavy looking robes, but this visit is not meant to be a pleasant one. Lord Shadowsage has come to tear your work apart to see if there is anything of value.

You hand him the eight parts of the story, and he begins to read. You note that his scowl grows larger and larger as he reads on.

"Well Raziel02, know that while others might have been impressed with your beginning, I am not. However, I understand that several nobles have made suggestions, and I know that you've already stated that you won't change the beginning too much. I've encountered such foolishness before, but it is your story after all." Your faintly hear him mumble something about failure. "Now on with it:"

Part 1:

Quote:
grand city of Naggaroth, the greatest city of the dark elves


"Know you nothing of geography? Naggaroth is our kingdom. Naggarond is the capital! Greatest city.... not interesting. Try something to this effect; grand city of Naggarond, most magnificent and wonderous of the dark elf cities. You don't have to of course, but only a fool refuses to improve his tale." Shadowsage reads on.

Quote:
Unlike the other Druchii, she held distinctive features that made her unique, within the land of Naggaroth. She had a long main of fiery red hair, crystal blue eyes, her slender figure hidden away under a black and purple cloak, and armour of the city guard. But like all Dark elves she wore a fair, and pale completion.


"This is how my mother used to say; terrible. Why don't you describe her appearance listing all of the normal elven features before stating that she has something different? And don't you dare get me started about the coming of age rubbish that you said about the shades. But the other lords have informed me that you don't wish to change that part, parden my mistake."

Pat 2:

"So she became a captain did she? Clever elf maid." Shadowsage reads on to the dialogue between the old and the young elf, and he begins to wince as if someone is poking him with hot needles. "Do you realize that you don't use puntuation in your dialogues? Fix that post haste! And why haven't you given either of these elves a description? One is old and the other is young, give me more!"

Part 3:

"Ah yes, all loyal Druchii should have such depictions in their homes." Shadowsage looks around your study and sees a depiction of the Witch King. Satisfied, he returns to his reading. "A secret mission for our hero. How sweet." Shadowsage said this with a sneer.

Part 4:

Quote:
crowd had past


"Don't you dare leave that as it is! It should read; crowed had passed." Shadowsage finishes part 4 and turns to you. "Well congratulations, the only offenses I found were purely grammatical."

Quote:
might blow


"Fix that, you know what it should be." Shadowsage then looks out the window to see that the day is nearly spent. "There are not enough hours in the day for me to sit here and point out every offense that I can find in these scrolls of nonsense. We shall continue later. For now I must go and attend the Witch Kings court."


That was fun. If you want to, pretend that I made all of those suggestions minus the nastiness. I finished reading what you posted Raziel02, and it's not half bad. I just have to get all of this out of my system so be prepared for the second half of Lord Shadowsage's critique later on.


Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:08 pm
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Fingol Darkwater thank you for your constructive critisms, likei have ssaid before all comments are welcomed, and i am aware that i can not please all of my audience, a few of your questions may be answered when you read the later posts, but points you have made can indeed improve my story so thanks, and i am clad that making fun out of my work was fun for you :roll: lol but i have taken no offense and look foward to you next critique, :D


Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:38 pm
Cold One Knight
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(want to do it that way do you? ;) )

*just as the lord turned to leave another figure accosted him.
"your lordship", said Lamehk "i need to talk about your review of this manuscript."
"well?" sneered Shadowsage "what of it?"
" i just have this to say, you are correct, the first few are an attrosity in the name of grammar." Lamehk said, shaking his head in sadness. "but you must admit it yourself; if you can look past the grammer it is a good story."
"in your opinion" spat the Druchii lord.
"yes, in my opinion." spoke Lamehk, quite mildly. "I think you however should find no problems in grammer in the 8th at least: for I myself have proofread it. the only major problem i found was a tendency to overlook the fact that Where is different from Were."Lamehk took a breath. "That is all i have to say." with that he let Shadowsage go, bowed to Raziel, and left.

EDIT: and i enjoyed stating my case FOR the story

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:49 pm
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Carlaith and Adrek had broken through the lines of the Chaos worshipers. They left their comrades to continue the bloodshed, and made there way into the cave. The ominous roar that had beckoned forth had slackened then forth, but there was still a slight chance that this beast had not been released. If this was the case, then any possible way of this becoming true must be stopped. The death of the Elven lord was imperative, his blood would flow upon his feeble attempts, and in aiding the degenerate race that is chaos.

There was a burning heat within the cave. Its winding path seemed claustrophobic, all the way through a glow of red could be seen reflecting upon the rock. It grew in intensity, as they travelled further down its path.

Unlike before her mind laid quite, her thoughts fixated on the current task at hand. She held no joy in the thought of matching blades with a daemon. Something that she had never encountered within her life. Even with the blood lust still coursing through her, she knew that a mere elf could slay such a being. The only hope that existed was the demise of the Elven Lord. It had seemed so long now, since she first set eyes upon the elf. Although suspicious he still gained a sense of Nobility. A figure that could easily, hold a level of power and respect. How wrong she was to hold such views, how can a Druchii fall to such level? To the level of humans.

The cave had begun to grow, the path was no wider, before them lay a great circle of flame. Standing around the circle where two figures. A sorceress seemed in a trance, her hands stretched out towards the flame. A spark of magical energy connected to the flame as she whispered incantations. Beside her, the other figure held two mighty blades. Here he lay, the Druchii Lord, the traitor, watching intently at his work.

Carlaith addressed the Lord
‘‘You may have accomplished all of this lord, but you treachery ends here, these false Gods that you have bound yourself to will not save you’’
The lord looked towards his new opponents
‘‘I hardly need the aid of my masters too deal with a captain and her superior, Especially one of your level Carlaith’’
‘‘How do you know my name, we have never met’’
‘I know much more about you, than you know of yourself Carlaith, the tale of who you truly are is a fruitful one’’

With out another word, Adrek charged towards the lord. He delivered a vast array of well-executed strikes, each more deadly than before. A life’s worth of training, and every skill he had learned showed its presence. The Elven lord smiled as he met the attack with ease,
‘I have fought countless numbers of enemies, a vast majority of them have been Druchii, how disappointing that you perform the same moves that every single Druchii knows, you are pathetic’’
With a swift move Adrek blades was locked with the Lords blades, He felt a sharp kick to his stomach before he was pushed backwards before feeling the cold touch of metal slash through his armour, cutting his flesh’’

The lord returned his attention towards Carlaith.
‘‘‘Pity, such a young life perhaps he could off been put to some use as I was saying Carlaith I know you all to well, you and your true identity I travelled with your father, he too desired the ascension of the elves, but his taste for the pleasures in life was great, the ways in which he found it where adventurous, upon one of our raids we stumbled upon a village, a human village at that, he ordered every single woman in that village to be raped and captured, he saw them as a… forbidden pleasure, it is very uncommon for elves to mix with humans, it is a disgrace. The women where to be brought back to Naggaroth, to strengthen the lady Morathi’s cult of pleasure, and so we come to the result you are the result of that nights actions, it is shame I would of thought that offspring of your fathers calibre would be better than this, but it seems you a re just another disgrace like the rest of them’’


Fri Mar 31, 2006 5:25 pm
Cold One Knight
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just as good as always. ive enjoyed all your installments because they are, simply, brilliant

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Fri Mar 31, 2006 5:32 pm
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Witch King's Envoy
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Lord Shadowsage got assasinated, he had it coming I say. Anyway, on with my own comments *cracks knuckles*

Second Half:

You described Carlaith and that bloke Adrek brilliantly. She seems like the perfect prize for any elf to marry... too bad she's an abomination. Beautiful, yet still an abomination. I enjoyed part 8. It's always good to see a Chaos worshiper realize how foolish they were before they die. The Daemon within bit wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but still excellent in its own right.

I was reading part nine and I encountered this:

Quote:
The ominous roar that had beckoned forth had slackened then forth, but there was still a slight chance that this beast had not been released.


slackened then forth... perhaps try something to the effect of; The ominous roars that had been heard earlier had slackened

I liked the way you described the cave. I wouldn't wander down there. But you talk about the Lord a lot, didn't you kill him off in part 8? Regardless, the ending was excellent. I'm going to remember that speach for a while now.


Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:10 pm
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A whole host of emotions burned within Carlaith. To here everything about her being ridiculed, with this a new strength burned within her. She lashed out upon the Lord with such skill and precision that he was caught of Guard. He stumbled slightly Carlaith took no hesitation launching a fist into the lords face. Blood poured from his nose as he crashed towards the ground letting his blades fall to the floor. She kicked him as he lay upon the cold floor, and rested her blade upon his neck.

‘‘It gives me great pleasure to kill you, you have shown me my true enemies in life, every single one of you chaos worshiping filth ridden scum, I will not rest until every single one of you bastard’s is dead’’
The lord gave of a laugh.
‘‘I think you will find that you are the scum my dear’’
Carlaith launched her heel in between his legs; the lord gave a shrill moan of pain as she twisted her heel from side to side. Carlaith enjoyed the sight of him squealing with pain, a smile crept upon her face. Her blade inched into the air, as she prepared to end this fools life once and for all.

Thunder blasted forth and engulfed Carlaith. The sorceress had awoken from her ritual. Her jet-black hair fell almost to the ground, hazel brown eyes starred towards Carlaith. She rested her staff towards her side she wore little. A purple silk dress wrapped around her waist, a split ran along side her left leg. Silver breastplate barley covered her assets.
‘‘I am afraid that my master is needed Carlaith, he has worked for to long for him not to see his grand work completed’’ She hurried over to the lord, and helped him up on to his feet. The ground shook as the deep voice returned.
‘I grow tired of this elf, too long I have waited here, in this pathetic excuse for a realm, I desire the blood of you all, release me I grow impatient’’

They both returned to the circle. Carlaith law amongst the floor, her entire body ached. She surveyed the cave, Adrek lay hunched holding his chest, and he struggled as he heaved himself to his feet, resting heavily upon the wall. Carlaith flowed his example and rushed to his aid. As she came close to him, a vast amount of blood stained his armour. He stumbled once again but fell into the arms of Carlaith.

The flames had erupted; an unnatural light shined from them, the circle had exploded into a vast array of dancing fire and light. The Lord stood and watched as the ritual neared its completion.
‘To you great daemon of Khorne, I welcome the into our world let you might bless your allies, and bring death to all those who oppose you, join us and bring the ascension of the elves, the ascension to glory…and immortality’’

The floor within the circle began to crack, flames hissed forth, as the sorceress began to scream out spells. She brandished a knife and slit her wrists, the blood that spewed forth floated towards the circle. The gaps had now become a gaping hole; it was like hell had opened its mouth. A pure beam of energy erupted blasting towards the ceiling. The entire cave shook with ferocity. The ceiling began to weaken pieces fell to the ground. The lord looked down into the fiery hole, and there he saw it. Its great wings beating as it flew ever closer to him. The Great daemon of Khorne was ascending to the cave.
‘‘Come to me, my ultimate weapon my immortality, my master I give my self to you, I will serve…’’
His words where cut short as a blade cut through his chest, Carlaith twisted the blade,
‘‘Then go to him’’
She pulled the blade from him, his blood issuing in all directions, and pushed him into the flames. The sorcerers screamed as she saw her master fall into the endless void of fire. Her concentration faltered the flames began to lessen and the gapping chasm began to close. A multitude of colours spat forth, as a host of energies wrapped around the sorceress, she screamed in agony as she was thrown against the cave wall by the demonic energies. Her sine shattered and she slid down to the ground, her body limp, blood poured from her mouth.

Once again the roar sounded, a red claw breeched the entranced of the void before it closed, the claw appeared to freeze as it transformed into solid stone. The cave trembled and shook, the roof of the cave could not hold any longer as the cave gave way and colapsed.

Well here it is this is where i origionally entneded to end this story, but i am considering new was in where the story can continue, hope you like it because i certainly enjoyed wriitng it 8)


Sat Apr 01, 2006 12:22 pm
Cold One Knight
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Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:08 am
Posts: 209
Location: looking for something else to do with Sanity
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brilliant as always. your best yet :D . just one thing, a sorceres would not wear armour. its not important but still...

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Sat Apr 01, 2006 1:00 pm
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