Druchii.net

I am starting a new druchii army and want to provide a short story to include a little bit of background into my battles. So here the two stories I would like feedback on. They are in the perspective of an empire survivor to a dark elf raid.

The first sight came early in the morning. The black mast came over the horizon just before a cold mist sank down upon the village. We speedily assembled the warriors ready to repel the fast approaching ship, but we were not fast enough. The Druchii fleet landed upon the quayside, its crew disembarking faster than the locals could react before coming down upon using a gruesome image of death. Ranks of spearmen screamed out calls of hatred and slavers drew wicked barbed swords before bringing fast death to our villagers, few escaped as the swift riders slaughted any that left the village. Only I survived my lord. But be assured this terror will move swiftly.
Maximillion Von Cartier


OR


They fell upon is faster than the eye could see, rising out of the mist. The first sign of attack was the clouds of bolts that fell ammongst the villagers. Then came the riders, running down anyone that fled using their agility and speed. Then the warriors appeared, ranks of spear armed warriors supported by cloaked slavers from the west. Soon after the dreaded Executioners of Har Ganeth arrived. Beautifull elf-beasts with leathery wings came down upon the villagers, forcing the villagers to surrender to save their own lives. The slavers bought out the shakles bringing terror amongst the locals.
With the slaves loaded onto the ship the dark elves disappeared as quickly as they arrived. be prepared lord, for terror runs quickly through this area.
Maximillion Von Castier

I reckon story 2 would be kool to do, like write about a slaves life on a black ark or something like that.

I prefer the writing style of the first story a lot more. Considering it is an Empire dude speaking, the first story approaches a more natural way of talking for an Empire man.

I think story 1 has more scope for expansion. The Lord etc. trying to fend off the druchii invasion and so on. I think the executioners from 2 could be involved in some of the batles for example, rather than just acting as slavers.

i also think story 1 would be best, because how would Maximillion know that there names was Har Ganeth executioners, come on hes a human!

I think story one but with amendments, the chances of Druchii leaving only one person alive are not great, they would capture them not just cut them down where they stood. But I like story 1 more, its writing better and other than the killing thing its more plausable.