Critique Requested!

Stories, fluff, army fluff, your own fluff ideas, and other creations concerning the Druchii, the End Times Elves or the Exile Aelves go here!

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Vincean
Head on the Chopping Block
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 10:10 am
Location: On Khaine's altar, in agony.

Critique Requested!

Post by Vincean »

Hello everyone, you might remember me as that fellow who was tortured by Khaine. Fear not: my suffering continues without any sign of stopping. I'm not sure why I'm here -now-, near a year after the event but I was hoping for a little critique of my piece during The End Times, so that I may improve as a writer of long-eared, gray skinned Elvish fiction. I can provide a link to my End Times piece, but any help would uh. Help!

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=76111#p915824

Part of the issue, I think, stemmed from a lack of understanding surrounding the End Times as an event. The other part was due to my small scale. No grand, pitched battles or Godly events, just a warband limping through a dying Naggaroth.
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Calisson
Corsair
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Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:00 pm
Location: Hag Graef

Re: Critique Requested!

Post by Calisson »

EDITED
Vincean wrote:Hello everyone, you might remember me as that fellow who was tortured by Khaine. Fear not: my suffering continues without any sign of stopping.
:lol: December Story Competition -- The End Times of the Elves
Surviving that long the attention of Khaine himself shows a strong character indeed. If you wish to relieve your pain, PM an admin and explain your case.

The votes were cast here: End Times of the Elves -- Vote & Discussion
Reading back the comments, it appears that your story was judged as a good one by everyone, some even highlighted it specifically, it was just that the other authors were preferred.
At that time, we could vote only for one story. A small detail would make a large difference.

There has been no competition since last summer. That pause should end when 9th age and AoS release their own fluff. You will be more than welcome to resume at that time.

-=-=-

EDIT: Second thoughts.
As I said, your story was a good one. Good writing skills, perfect canon, nice story.
But the competition was at a very high level, and every single entry was at your level, or slightly above.
And you got zero vote, when everyone else got at least one vote. You had "likes" from everyone, but no "love".

What was missing?
You had no "wow!" factor.
"Wow!" could come from anything.
It could be:
"Wow! What happens next? MOAR!!! "
"Wow, I laughed so much I was in tears!"
"Wow, what a plot, I could not see that end coming!"
"Wow, what a character, I want to paint my next model after this one!"
"Wow, what a detailed description, I could swear I lived that event myself!"
"Wow, it's unbelieveable how creative is this author, where in the world could he get all these ideas?"
"Wow, is it really the first story of this foreigner? He writes a better English than me, and that's a good story in addition!"


You do have the talent to write well.
Next thing is to get the love of your audience, and that is no longer with mere skill.
You have to find this little thing that will hook the reader, who will shake his head, smiling in disbelief that someone actually was able to create such a story.

I hope it helps.
Winds never stop blowing, Oceans are borderless. Get a ship and a crew, so the World will be ours! Today the World, tomorrow Nagg! {--|oBrotherhood of the Coast!o|--}
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