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The Price of Power 
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Beastmaster
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Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:03 pm
Posts: 367
Location: Lost in the Den of Boredom
Heej all,

I've just started writing little story's, and I like it. As i've been writing for 4 days now, I think I could improve alot. Therefore I wrote a little story, and hope you like it and have comments to make me write better storys, so I will post those, and then you will comment, and I will write... You get the idea ;).

Here's the story:

The waves crashed at the bow of the Seasprite and the rain whipped it's deck when the lights of the Norse village came in sight.
'Sir, sir, the village is at attacking distance.' Dakreh, his Reaver, said.
'I know, I have eyes too.' Karth replied. 'Set course to the south of the village, where we can land unseen!' he shouted.
'We will land on the shore south to the village. Then you and twenty of your men will go to the northeast gate. Make sure you aren't seen. When you are in the forests next to the gate, make sure most villagers come your way, but don't alarm them of an attack. I don't care how you do it, but you better succeed if you value yous life and soul.' he said to Dakreh.

Then he turned to Nageth, his Herald. 'You will land too, and ride around the village. Take your unit with you, you will need it. When you notice the villagers going to the southeast gate, you will dismount, and send your horses to the shore. This will distract any guards that are left. Finish them, but make sure they don't raise the alarm. I reccommend crossbows. You will scale the walls, and hide near the gate.'
Then to both of them: 'I will attack at the harbor with the main force. If you hear that, Dakreh will attack once the villaggers are mostly gone at the northeast gate. Nageth will guard any villagers that try to escape through the little gate at the northwest side. Go inform your units about the plan of attack.'

Walking towards Kereth, his Bloodshade, he said 'You and you Shades will get to land too, and look for any hunting parties that are on their way back. If the Corsairs and Dark Riders did heir job, you will fire a burning arrow towards the ship to notifie us. After that, your Shades will guard the northwest gate for fleeing villagers. You will go and look for their chieftain. If you see him, use this poison.' He gave him a small bottle. 'It will knock him out for a few hours. That should be enough to get him aboard the ship and in a cage.'

Then he turned to the whole ship, and with forceful voice called 'If anyone of you sees an old shaman, bring him to me. Don't underestimate him becouse he is old. He's been around for enough to learn how to fight! Now, prepare for landing!'

When the ship landed, a few miles south of the village, you could see a group of Corsairs, some Dark Riders and a party of Shades making their way into the forest. When the ship left, they all had disappeared into the forest.

Dakreh thought about what he would have to do to get attention of the village without warning them a attack was coming. A fire? Impossible, it had been raining for two days now. Threaten one of the villagers to make a scene? Too risky, and he needed something to impress his lord. He needed to be promoted fast now if he valued his life. As they came near the village, he ordered two of his men to follow him, and the rest to stay where they were, and attack by the plan. As he lay in the bushes, using his dark green Sea Dragon Cloak as camouflage, he sank deep into the mud. He didn't mind, the only good thing about this Khaineforsaken place was that the rain would wash away any mud and blood that was left after their attack. Then he got an idea. Stuffing leafs and grass between the plates of his armour to kill any noise, he explained his plan to the two Corsairs next to him.

Riding fast and silent, Nageth thought about how he would accomplish his part of the mission. Reaching the edge of the forest he saw the walls where about nine feet high, and made out of logs, covered in clay, he decided scaling wouldn't be the problem. He would wait until he saw the villagers moving to Dakreh and his Corsairs.

Climbing up the steep rocks to the next plateau, Kereth thought about this chieftain he had to immobilise. If Karth needed him paralised, it must be a strong warrior. But now he had to concentrate on killing any hunting party's. A moderately difficult task, becouse they most likely would be silent and armed with bows. But it where just pitiful humans, so it shouldn't prove a problem. Then he heard the sound of a raven, the sign that someone had spotted humans. When he looked the way that the Shade pointed, he saw five humans, who carried a creature that best could be left unknown. It was one mass of fur, talon, and claw. He also saw that the Norse didn't hunt with bows, but with throwing axes and clubs. How primitive. With a gesture of his hand, he sent three Shades to the other side of the trail. When the Norse where just in between them, they unleashed a hail of bolts, and after a few seconds only one Norse was alive, sitting on his knees, with a bolt sticking in his tigh, and another one in his stomach. Kereth slowly walked towards him, and in one fluid motion shot a bolt in his forehead and kicked him on the chest.

Karth sat behind his desk, thinking about this raid. It wasn't a raid as any other. It would be far more.... profitable.
He thought about this Chaos Sorceror he had heard about. He had heard it was an old man, not as strong and skilled with magic as he used to be, but still worth heaps of money on the slave markets. Together with all those Norse he would catch, he guessed this would earn him money for another boat, and maybe even some mercenary's on a long-term contract. But first he would have to capture the Sorcerer alive, and his plan had to work.
A knock on the door.
'Come in!' he said. One of his Corsairs came in. Along with him, he dragged a bound Norseman. The Norse was bruised, but he didn't look dead at all. The corsair had trouble controlling him.
'We found this one in a boat. He was fishing with one of his friends.
'Where is the friend?' Karth asked.
'He got hit by the bolt we used to sink their boat. From the amount of blood in the water, we assume him dead sir.' the Corsair replied.
'Good. Try and get any information from him you can get. If he is still of any use after that, he is yours. You may keep him, but I would sell him to the Mines.'
'Thank you sir' the Corsair said. He left, dragging the slave, who hadn't ceased struggling, with him.
Karth's thoughts drifted off to his previous encounters with Norsemen. They where fiece fighters, and most times they had a impressing chieftain, but once he was defeated, they where leaderless, and would just as likely attack each other as they would attack their enemies. That, and their endurance in the Mines, made them valuable stock on the slave market.
Shouts on the deck made him awake from his thoughts. They would hide in the eternal mist around the cliffs that where so characterising for the northern shore around the Sea of Claws.

Dakreh silentky walked to the part of the wall where the clay was nearly washed away by the constantly pouring rain. you could see the logs that kept the wal up and that lended it it's strength. Crouching up the hill on what the village was built, he walked past the wall, untill he stood right under the shelter where the watchmen stood. Pushing away the last clay that covered the ropes around the logs, he loosend a few of the fleshhooks that hung from his belt, and hung them around the rope. testing their sharpness by pulling a little, he saw them biting into the rope and was satisfied. He pulled a thread from his Khaitan, and attached it to his fleshhook. He then grabbed a piece of rope, normally used for binding slaves, to this thread. Crouching back to the forest, he saw his two Corsairs doing the same. Good. When they where all back in the forest, he gestured them to pull the ropes.
The wall came down with a loud, screeching sound, and shouts of surprise and confusion could be heard all around.

Kereth was sitting on the edge of the plateau, making a trophy out of one of the fangs of the beast, when he heard rather than saw, the wall collapsing. Grabbing his crossbow, he bound a pluck of grass on one of his bolts, lit it in the fire his shades had made, and shot towards where he knew the ship to be. He then began making his way down the cliff.
'You will guard the gate, to prevent anyone going in or out. I have my own matters to take care of'
With that, he left to search for the chieftain.

When Nageth heard the wall collapsing, he sprang up. He saw nearly everyone running to the other side of the village, and made a mental note to not metion this to Karth. He explained his unit what to do, and hit his horse hard on the behind. The horses galloped away, and the now dismounted Dark Riders crouched to the wall.
The last two guards where very surprised to see a flock of purebreed black horses running to the shore, and walked on the rampard intercept the horses. They never made it. When they walked out of their shelter, the last thing they heard was the dull 'thud' of a bolt digging itself in their chests. The Dark Riders quickly climbed up the wall, and scanned everything for any other Norse. Nobody. They throwed the corpses in the shelter, and settled themself on the roof of what looked like a wooden house. The rain had nearly stopped.

Karth's armour was being put on by a slave when a Corsair, one with a scar and a missing eye, came in to tell that the arrow was spotted. Karth fastened his belt with longsword, but left his helmet in the cabin. I'd rather see it when some Norse is thying to hit me with an axe. He thought. Just before he left the cabin, he grabbed the amulet he had stolen in his days as Reaver and hung it around his neck. Even though he didn't know how or if it worked, he felt comfortable with it. Stepping on the deck, he saw everyone preparing themselves for combat. Some sent a quick prayer to Khaine, some flexed their arms to warm them up, some checked every possible piece of their armour. He saw some of his mercenary's, fighting for the thrill of it or for the loot, talking to each other, he saw the milita of his house preparing their crossbows and swords, he even saw one Corsair just sitting there and eating. He thought about the Shaman in the village. Today much blood would be shed, but it would be human, not Elf.



So, any critics? I know my English isn't the best, working on it. (I'm 14...)

Tijminator

P.S. Does anyone have a better title? Becouse I think that there should be something better than 'The Raid' :roll:

EDIT: hmm, layou doesn't seem to work in posts...[/i]

_________________
The Price of Power

Viva la Banana!

Cornixt wrote:
Why would anybody stand to wipe? You're closing the one area you want to remain open!


Last edited by Tijminator on Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Thu Jan 04, 2007 2:25 pm
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It's great! I really like how the story is told from the veiwpoints of a few characters, it really makes it more interesting. If you add some description of the characters though, it would bring them to life for the reader a little more and help to make them easier to keep straight. I like how fast paced it is too, it keeps the action and the excitement building! I'm really looking forward to reading some more. Keep up the great writing! I wouldn't worry about your english skills either, you seem just as proficient at writing in english as most people you'll see here on the site. :)

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Branthon Dalreck
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Stats: WS-4, S-4, T-5, D-3, I-2
6'2", 160lbs, 98 years old


Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:21 pm
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Witch King's Envoy
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Quote:
The waves crashed at the bow of the Seasprite and the rain whipped it's deck when the lights of the Norse village came in sight.


You start out with some good imagery, very nice.

Quote:
Karth's thoughts drifted off to his previous encounters with Norsemen. They where fiece fighters, and most times they had a impressing chieftain, but once he was defeated, they where leaderless, and would just as likely attack each other as they would attack their enemies. That, and their endurance in the Mines, made them valuable stock on the slave market.
Shouts on the deck made him awake from his thoughts. They would hide in the eternal mist around the cliffs that where so characterising for the northern shore around the Sea of Claws.


You continuously show what kind of an Elf Karth is, and he's got a well developed personality. Well suited for an up-and-coming sea captain.

Quote:
Crouching back to the forest, he saw his two Corsairs doing the same. Good. When they where all back in the forest, he gestured them to pull the ropes.


Clever :lol:

All in all, the action sequences were well done and you've obviously thought this through. I do agree that you could be a bit more descriptive, but it isn't a necessesity because I think the dialogue and thoughts of the characters lends a different kind of description which is just as adequate.

Quote:
P.S. Does anyone have a better title? Becouse I think that there should be something better than 'The Raid' :roll:


Hmm... I tend to name my stories something silly. I'd personally call this "The Price for Profits" or somesuch.

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Behind every mask, is a man
who can't live in his own skin.
He lives by the flask.
He bathes in his past
and dies of his own sins


Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:57 pm
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Beastmaster
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First, thanks for the replies, chapter 2 is coming.

Quote:
It's great! I really like how the story is told from the veiwpoints of a few characters, it really makes it more interesting.

Thanks :D, writing it from more perspectives is more fun too, so that will stay then :lol:.

Quote:
If you add some description of the characters though, it would bring them to life for the reader a little more and help to make them easier to keep straight.

Ok, will do that in chapter 2 ;). Maybe by telling how they view each other?

Quote:
You start out with some good imagery, very nice.

Thats what i find most easy. :roll:

Quote:
Clever :lol:

Yeah, liked that part too 8).

Thanks for any comments, and as said, chapter 2 is coming...

Tijminator

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The Price of Power

Viva la Banana!

Cornixt wrote:
Why would anybody stand to wipe? You're closing the one area you want to remain open!


Thu Jan 04, 2007 5:29 pm
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As promised; chapter 2 in the yet-to-be-named-serie.

Things are just unfolding now, I'm thinking about making a longer story about him. (about 50/60 pages, instead of the 6 it is now :))

When the Seasprite moored the harbor, Karth was one of the first to jump upon the shore. He saw a few groups of Corsairs running to the west and east to flank any resistance, while he walked right trough the village, accompanied by a few regtiments of troops from House Durthsprakh and some more Corsairs. The mercenary's all went their own way. Let them die. I wont have to pay them then. Karth thought. Running through the village, he saw a square with a totem in the middle. At the edge ot the square, a man stood. A single, old but muscular man. He was carrying a staff adorned with trophy's and other talismanic items. That must be the Shaman. Karth thought. Oooh yes I am, and you are Karth, who comes here to capture me and to destroy my village. A voice in his head said. Can he read my thoughts?
Oooh yes I can, and I can do much more. Killing you would be just an example of my abilities. The voice in his head raged on.
'I doubt it.' Karth replied. Then, the assault came. It was a mind-numbing, sense-blinding sensation. In a moment there was only pain. Then Karth got back to his senses. He pressed his mind back into it's original form, and began to attack the sorcerer. This didn't work out. When he reached the sorcerers mind, he hit a rock wall. He was unable to push him back. And the sorcerer could move, but he was so soaked up into attacking the sorcerer with his mind, that he couldn't move a muscle.
Very good the voice in his head said. You might make a wonderful sorcerer one day.
Karth tried not to think about that. He felt a heat on his chest. With a fast move, he stopped the assault on the sorcerers mind, and shut off his own. When he looked down, he saw that his amulet was emmitting a bright, green aura. It must be some kind of indicator for magic or so. he thought. Pulling it free from under his armour, the green aura increased tenfold. He felt the pressure on his mind disappearing, and the sorcerer stepped back. Pulling his longsword , he screamed 'For Kaela Mensha Kaine, I will defeat you!!'

Dakreh smiled when he saw the confusion he had caused. His promotion had just come a whole lot closer. He might even been given his own boat. Not a big one, but a small, fast vessel could be an option. 'You, get back, and tell the others to come this way. Also tell them to be silent, or I will cut of their heads, and feed it to the crows myself.' he whispered to the Corsair on his left. Shuddering, becouse he knew it wasn't an empty threat, the sailor left to get his companions. Dakreh sat down on a fallen pine tree, and smiling watched the consternation he had caused. They had all three snapped a main rope, and a big section of the wall had come down and had fallen to the inside of the village. Hearing from the screams of pain, that now began to emerge, there had been people under and on the wall when it collapsed. All the better. he thought. It would mean an easy fight if all the people who were in here where wounded and those who looked after them. Hearing the rest of the Corsairs returing, he decided he would explain the rest of the plan to his regiment.
'The plan is as follows; Defeat any resistance you see, but don't kill if not absolutely neccecary. These are Norse, they fetch good prices nodaways. Feel free to loot, but only after you have eliminated all resistance.' He just finished his sentence when a new wave of screams was heard, this times of fear and hate. Among them the familiar druchii tounge could be heard. So it has begun.

When Kereth reached the gate, he was greeted by a mess, from whitch screams and shouts could be heard. Just typical for a Corsair. Make a hell of a mess, and hope it turns out right. he thought. He decided to climb over the wall on a area where the clay was almost gone, and where the logs still had branches and holes. Making sure nobody could see him, he ran to the wall, jumped, placed his foot in a hole, and grabbed the edge. Hanging there for a moment, listening to any sign that he was heard, and vaulted on the rampart. He quickly jumped on the roof of one of the huts that was build against the wall, and took a good look on the way the streets lay. It reminded him of the web of a spider, with one central square, where some kind of totem stood, and from there five streets to the wall and gate. Between those streets where various alleys and streets that spiraled from the center outwards. Spotting a big hall-like building near the centre of the village, he guessed that was where the chieftain lived. Jumping down from the roof, he covered his bolts in the poison he had been given. He had some spare, so he decided to keep it. Just in case. Grabbing his crossbow from his back, he began making his way to the big hall where he expected the chieftain.

Nageth had just secured his position near the second, smaller gate, when he saw a Norse coming their way. He and his men hid themselves behind the shelter and on the roofs. Hoping he didn't see them, Nageth silently shouldered his crossbow. 'Êrseöt Örsogeåg' the Norse called, maybe asking the now dead guards to come and help rebuild the wall. A mettallic 'klang' was heard as two bolts met each other inside his voicebox, destroying his ability to talk, but also to breath. They quickly dragged the dieing Norse into one of the houses to obscure it from view. They hoped the next wouldn't see the trail of blood. They just got back in their place, when the shouts from the wall where joined by screams of terror and rage from the harbor. 'Lets start refunding our horses!!' he shouted, just before sprinting towards the melee.

'Scared?' Karth asked, with a taunting, hissing voice. 'It's just an amulet.' Then he charged the sorcerer. Drawing his longsword, a ancient heirloom, echantments of hate and death etched on its blade, he ran towards the sorcerer. He swung his sword, but at the time he expected it to bite deep into the enemy's tigh, it was stopped by a thick, wooden staff. The combatants circled each other. A young, ambitious Druchii in expensive armour on one side, a old, experienced Chaos Shaman on the other. A few hesitating blows, testing the others defense, waiting for the other to make a move. Karth did. Suddenly, he kicked at the legs of his opponent, and in the meantime swong his sword with one hand at shoulderheight. The Shaman reacted surprisingly fast for a man of his age, jumping on the leg of his druchii opponent, and blocking the sword with his staff. Surprised by the old man's speed, Karth tried to retrackt his leg, but the Shaman was standing on it. Then, twisting his foot, Karth dropped to the ground, stabbing his longsword at the enemy's chest, and kicking at the Norse's ribs at the same time. Blocking the sword with his staf, the Shaman nearly broke his ribs under the blow of the elf's foot. jumping back to regain his balance, he stepped away from the leg, and Karth was free again.

Dakreh saw more and more Norsemen gathering their weapons and running to the harbor in their unelegant, slow run. When he saw there where about as many Norse as there where Corsairs, he decided the time right. Bellowing commands, he charged foward, Sea Dragon Cloack fluttering behind him. For the Norse, it was a fearful sight to behold. twentyone Druchii, screaming as if they where possessed, running towards their broken wall, where wounded and old had gathered to be as far away from the melee in the harbor as possible. Grabbing what weapon they could find to defend themselves, they where chanceless. Leaping over the first few remains of the wall, Dakreh hit the first Norse he saw hard on the nose. It was a old woman, who was taking care of a guard whose arm lay in a very unnatural angle with his body. Kicking him at the shoulder, Dakreh hit him on the jaw with the pommel of this finely crafted sword. All around him combats where going on now, and he even saw crossbow bolts landing in Norse flesh and armour.

Running through the village was very unnatural to Kereth. He saw nobody, and yet he heard the sounds of combat in front of him and behind him. When he reached the square, he saw a Druchii in combat with an old man, who moved surprisingly fast. The Druchii made Kereth look more surprised though. He was wearing Karth's armour, weilded Karth's sword, and yet he didn't even resemble Karth closely. The Druchii fought like an animal, snarling, twisting, and kicking. That was not the most disturbing though. The most disturbing thing about him was that he seemed to twist, to change with every move he made. Also, there seemed to hover a light around his chest, but you could only really see it when you looked past it. Then it was a bright green spot. If you looked directly, it was a strange, green glow. Scared, Kereth ran past the combat, into the hall where he had expected the chieftain. He found him. The chieftain was a towering man, and he was just ready arming himself. His sword was massive, almost as long as Kereth, and the Norse weilded it with unnatural ease. His armour nearly covered his whole body, and it seemed to be fused to his skin somehow. Shuddering, Kereth fired his crossbow. the bolts hit the Norse, but he didn't seem to even notice it. He charged at Kereth, who just could jump aside to avoid being split in two by the massive sword. The Norseman turned, but looked unbelieving at the empty hall. 'Where go you, annoying maggot?' he called in broken druchii tounge. Clearly he had traded with Druchii before. That was when Kereth, hanging from the ceiling, saw his chance. On the back of the towering Norse, a few open places appeared. Kereth aimed, fired, and hit. The Norse Screamed in agony, and came running towards Kereth, preparing to split him in half. Just a few feet before Kereth met a certain death, the Norse fell to his knees, and than flat on his face. He was defenitely out.

Nageth, who remembered he was supposed to secure the gate, appointed a few 'volunteers' for this job. Running towards the harbor, where the biggest fight had broken out, he made a fast prayer to Khaine. When he saw his first Norse, he shot him in the throath with his crossbow. Then he ducked, just avoiding being smashed to pulp by a flail-weilding Norse. Before the Norse could react, Nageth stabbed him in the abdomen. He laughed as he saw the primitive barbarian bleeding to death, trying to hold his guts in place with his hands.


I hope you like the piece with the amulet changing Karth. Also, how do you think my action scenes are? I like writing story's, and my Tale of Vikarh should be in the RPG forum about now... If not, blame Morvai! :P :roll:

Tijminator

P.S. Should the amulet play a big role in the rest of the story or should he be able to put it off?

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The Price of Power

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Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:25 pm
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The story is coming along very well! I think the action scenes are great; fast and violent just the way they should be. the amulet is kind of mysterious though, it is obviously magic but it's not clear what kind of magic it is. The way it is changing Karth and reacting to the Chaos sorceror hints that it is some sort of chaotic artefact, but it belongs to a Druchii who seems to know his way around a majic spell or two. Are we meant to find the answers about this amulet later on in the story? Over all the stroy is getting better and better, and the suspense of waiting to know more about how the raid turns out for all the characters is building to a boil.
Quote:
'Êrseöt Örsogeåg'
:shock: Is this real Norse (I'm not sure what the actual name of the language is) and are you from northern Europe yourself?

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Branthon Dalreck
Class: Warrior
Stats: WS-4, S-4, T-5, D-3, I-2
6'2", 160lbs, 98 years old


Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:52 pm
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Quote:
Quote:
'Êrseöt Örsogeåg'

:shock: Is this real Norse (I'm not sure what the actual name of the language is) and are you from northern Europe yourself?


Yeah, I'm from Holland, kinda north of europe, but the talking are just random things from works (I know, primitive...). I've been in Scandinavia a few times though, and I thought it sounded Norse enough :P.

And about the amulet; you will get to know what it does exactly once i thought up something :lol:. For now, it's just to keep you reading :P.

I'm writing chapter 3, and expect something unexpected around ch. 4/5

Tijminator

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The Price of Power

Viva la Banana!

Cornixt wrote:
Why would anybody stand to wipe? You're closing the one area you want to remain open!


Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:20 pm
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Here is chapter 3, I hope you like it. I like writing, so the story will continue...

Karth felt his strength increase. If it was becouse of the adrenaline of the fight or becouse of the amulet, that behaved strange. Surely it was magic, and from the reaction of the sorceror, if was strong magic. Maybe that was the reason he could withstand the mental attack of a Chaos Shaman. He sent a quick prayer to Khaine, that it wasn't Chaos Magics, becouse if the where, they would surely turn upon him. He was rudely shaken out of this daydream as the staff of the Shaman came whistling past his head. He dove foward, and in the same motion headbutted the Shaman in the groin, knocking the air from him. He rolled over, and the Shaman rolled aside. Just in time to avoid being hit by the heel of an armoured boot. Standing there, Karth felt a aura of wind blowing around him and the Shaman. But it was not normal wind, that is moving air. This wind was far more fickle, and more... substantial. It felt weird, standing there, in the little rain that was falling, feeling wind, and Wind. Maybe the sorcerer begins to have control over my body? he thought. He pushed his concerns away as his opponent thrusted at his face with his staff. Summersaulting back, he could only just avoid the blow. Finding the Winds didn't change, he decided they wheren't much of a problem. For now. Do you feel the Winds around you? Do you feel how powerful they can be. If you are strong enough to handle them. What was that? Was it the Shaman?
The Shaman stood there, using the time Karth needed to think to get back his breath. It didn't feel like the Shaman? No, it wasn't There was that voice again. I'm your Amulet, and together we can be very, very strong... What do you want? Why haven't you talked to me before? Becouse you needed to discover me. Why? No answer.

Dakreh saw a Norse with a gaint axe coming his way, and jumped aside. Seeing the weapon had no knuckle guard, he hit the Norse on his right hand, and chopped of his fingers. As his opponent stared to his destroyed hand, Fakreh hit him on the temple with the flat of his sword. Seeing his Corsairs fighting, a few had fallen, but the Norse where mostly unconscious or dead. Then he heard screams and bellowed commands in the crude Norse tounge. A group of men, mostly hunters and warriors, came their way with real and makeshift weapons. He saw a few with flails, a few with axes, but also some with sticks with a metal pin through it. Still, they all where at least twice as broad as the avrage Druchii, so a enemy better defeated fast. Whith the enemy approaching fast, he was glad the Shades immobilised a few, so they would only have to fight one to one. When everyone was in combat, his opponent was a large Norse, almost a foot taller than Dakreh, and far more muscular. He was weilding two broad axes, that didn't seem of very high quality though. The Norse lunged at him with a bestial snarl, and Dakreh sidestepped just in time to avoid a messy death and the disgrace of being killed by a Norse. As the Norse stopped in his tracks, Dakreh brought down the pommel of his sword hard on the base of the Norse's spine. The man tripped, and crashed head first into the derbis that was left of the wall. A hard kick on the base of his skull knocked him unconscious at least.

Having Paralised his target, Kereth binds and gags him with the ropes and pieces of cloth he finds in the hall. Not wanting to see the duel at the square again, he drags the chieftain behind a few krates, and leaves by cutting his way through the furs that are the wall of the hall. Outside, he decides to return to his Shades, and lead them to the harbor. That way he would be able to safely drag the big chieftain to the ship. Who or what is fighting that Shaman on the square? It can't be Karth, but he does wear his armour and weild his sword. Karth would never give those away, especially not to a minion of Chaos, whitch the thing on the square surely was. These thougts crossed his mind as he walked back to the gate, where a fierce battle raged, hearing from the sounds of combat. Maybe some foul minion of Chaos had defeated Karth, and taken it's belongings? But then why wasn't that thing fighting them? And why hadn't it defeated the Shaman already, if it could kill a Druchii captain so fast? Kereth didn't understand any of the possibility's, and decided to get the chieftain aboard their ship, and not go back to the village under any circumstances. Seeing a Norseman in combat with a warrior of House Durthsprakh, he fired a bolt into the leg of the human. After a split second, it fell onto the ground unconscious.

Charging into the fray, Nageth felt the familair rush of adrenaline through his veins. Not caring wheter he killed or disabeld, he hacked and slashed all around. Avoiding a gaint fist, he slashed at the wrist, rejoicing in the nearly endless flow of blood that came from the big body's of the Norse. His laughter came to new heigths as he saw one of his Dark Riders beheading a Norse, blood flying all around. Who cares that they couldn't be sold on the slave markets, if he could toy with them now. There would be enough slaves in this village once the resistance was broken. Seeing a group of woman and children making their way to the gate he was appointed to guard, he smirked. He stabbed the last Norse in the face, brain tissue dripping all over his sword and hand, and made his way to the group. Climbing up one of the low, clay buildings, he dove down, kicking a woman in the face, and stabbing anorther in the back. Rolling over, he turned, and saw a few of the woman gripping knifes and sticks. Charging the middle one, he feigned a cut on the left, and stabbed her in the right kidney. He grinned as the woman fell down. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his back. When he turned, he was a Norse child, maybe just ten years of age, in his hand a bloodied knife. filled with rage, he kicked the kid on his ribs, that broke with a sickening, dry crunch. Then there was only black and pain.

Karth saw that now it was the sorcerer who stood still, eyes staring to some grey endlessnes. He felt a little pressure on his mind, but not nearly as much as when the fight started. Making use of the situation, he lunged at his opponent. He kneed him in the groin. The Shaman collapsed, gasping for breath, when Karth hit him on the temple with his gaunleted fist. Seeing the Shaman falling on the ground, he was satisfied. This would grant him alot of power and money. Seeing a group of Norse running towards the harbor, he charged towards them, thinking Now show your power. Maybe this could be profitable for the two of us. Seeing the Norse cower before him, he thought That Shaman really was their leader. I wonder what the think when they see their chieftain nearly dead too. Oooh, but it's not only that. They have more reasons to fear you now...
Not really thinking about the Talisman's last words, he charged into the fray. Kicking one Norse in the crotch, and hitting another in the face with his elbow, he felt... at home. This is where I belong, fighting the lesser races. Earning respect from the world. He felt that the Amulet agreed. Even though he was fighting of four Norse at the same time, he was winning, and the Norse seemed to fear him more and more. Looking one straight in the eyes, th saw total horror. With a crie, the Norse ebbedded his own sword in his stomach. That was when Karth remembered the Shaman. He ran back, bound him, and started dragging him to the harbor.

The confusion of what the amulet says and what Karth thinks is on purpose. He isn't even sure himself. :P

As for the fast and voilent action; thats how I imagine a duel. You ARE hitting each other with weapons, so I doubt anyone could last out that very long. :roll:

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:43 am
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It's nice to see the vicious side of the Druchii come out in combat, all too often in the other stuff written in the forums the Druchii are too busy plotting and bickering to actually get down to hacking limbs and taking slaves. The story keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what happens when Karth has to rejoin his crew, will they know he's turning to chaos and go against him? Or will they be converted to chaos over time too? Keep up the great work, and maybe this could become a "Hall of Fame" thread or even get you writing for the Druchii Herald!

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:29 pm
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Thanks, I like writing, maybe I will send in some pieces for the herald when they need it. And yeah, I like the image of a freaked out elf chopping of limbs and cutting throats :P. As for the Chaos thing, you will see... :P. I've just got a new pc (well.. new, newer than the one I had first.) so I can write in word now :D.

I'm busy writing ch. 4

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:37 pm
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Good luck on chapter four! I think that we're all looking forward to seeing how Karth and Co.'s blood soaked adventure turns out.

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:48 pm
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Hey, I just noticed the new title! Nice. It's alot better than the ones I've been trying to come up with!

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:28 pm
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I changed the title of the topic (and with that also of the story) to Price of Power ('influenced' by Fingol) as it turned out fairly different than I thought in the beginning ;). I hadn't thought up the Amulet as important, when I started writing about it :P. And for the blood: Expect some more :P.

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:33 pm
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Exelent story, apart from the grammer issue which you have already explained about I just have a few points to make about it. First for a slaving expidition they go for an awful lot of clean kills, bolts through the throat and such.

Also I would like some description of the characters, one it makes the story clearer to envisige and two it could be good for a contrast bettween the way Karth used to look and the way he looks after the amulet has changed him. I would recomentd his eyes changing, that always freaks people out.

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:05 pm
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@Dranail: I am busy with ch. 4, and I just included the eyes thing before reading your replie. And for the slaving; it'd a whole village. You can afford some kills if it will make the task more easy. Killing a Norse is better than getting the Norse to bring his friends.

For the descriptions, they will about now get beck to the ship, and see each other again. And I think i will descript the characters more.

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:29 pm
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And here is chapter 4 already...

Dragging the body to the boat, Karth saw several Norse fleeing from his vision. More and more often he heard screams and shouts that mentioned ‘Næghŏfth Døtgåntår’. He didn’t care. Surely it meant something like ‘The Lord Of The Raiders’ or ‘He Who Destroys Villages And Enslaves Its Inhabitants’. But he also noticed his own men quickly walking around a corner or looking the other way when he came by. Maybe the Shaman impresses them, but most times they would come and look then. He didn’t care. He had just defeated a Chaos Sorcerer and found the powers of his Amulet. Nothing could break his day. Reaching his ship, he saw the few crewmen who where still aboard quickly making their way inside their cabins, or walking away from him to do some job that wasn’t entirely necessary, as long as it was away from the place where he stood. Getting angry, he thought What is their problem? Is the Shaman that scary? He is bound and unconscious. What are they fleeing from? The Amulet didn’t answer, or it didn’t know anything. Dumping the Shaman in a cell, he returned to the deck. Running to one of the terrified crewmen, asked ‘What are you all so scared of? Am I wound or something?’ Still terrified, but able to speak now, the Corsair replied ‘It’s your skin and your eyes, Sir. They’re changing.’ Feeling his face, he didn’t notice anything out of ordinary. Or wait, maybe he did, he felt some kind of tickling just beneath his skin. Walking to his sleeping cabin, he looked for a mirror. Knowing one to be in the crate behind his bed, he grabbed it. What he saw filled him with horror and rage. He saw his own face, but it looked as if it was dead. It was getting a green tint, and it moved as id a thousand maggots where crawling beneath his face. But what totally shocked him where his eyes. They weren’t the dark, blue-violet eyes he was born with. The eyes that filled his sockets now where silver. They looked like glass balls in which grey mist swirled and twisted. As his horror and rage grew, so did the movement under his skin and in his eyes. He tried to rip of the Amulet, but somehow it was stuck. Watching with disgust, he saw it melting in his flesh. Now we are totally one he thought. Or was it the Amulet that had taken over his thoughts? Was this one of those foul Chaos medallions that completely took over its bearer? No. Together we are strong. You just have to discover it. But why are you melted in my flesh then? Are you afraid I will just throw you away? If we can be strong together, then why do you need assurance that I wont just get rid of you? Because you will want to throw me away at times.. I know that this will be difficult for you. I know this will take all of your powers. You will need to cut loose all bands with your past.

As Dakreh and his Corsairs had defeated all resistance near the wall, the looting had started. Looking around in their pouches and homes, they gathered everything of worth. He found some gold, some tools, and a ring with a ۞ on it. The ring felt strange light in his hand compared to the other things he had found. No doubt the previous owner had stolen it somewhere. That would make a nice souvenir. he thought. Putting the ring in one of the pouches under his belt, he went on looking for other valuable things. He thought about his promotion. His plan to distract the Norse had unfolded exceptionally well, seeing the damage they had done to the defence of the village. Giving his Corsairs some commands on binding the slaves, he made a quick count. Three dead Corsairs, one wounded on the arm, and some scratches here and there. The Norse, on the contrary, hadn’t survived the fight that well. He saw six giant bodies that would never get up again, and the rest where all wounded and broken. He saw about thirty or forty of them. Not a bad catch, considering there also had been fights at the harbour, and maybe at the second gate too. And there where the stories of the Chaos Shaman he had heard. He hadn’t believed half of them, but even then, it was said to be a great sorcerer, able to summon Daemons at will, and to kill any opponent with a mere thought. This once again proved the fickle nature of Lord Karth. He heard a story, and decided to capture a feared Chaos Shaman. As if it was just a thing to do in a few spare minutes. This kind of missions was why he wanted to promote so badly. If Karth blew up his entire fleet because he wanted to enslave Chaos Shamans so much, Dakreh didn’t want to be part of that. A scream made him awake from his thoughts. He frowned as he saw that one of the Norse had kicked a Corsair frontal in the face, and the unlucky elf was now clutching a broken nose and the blood flowed richly over his face. Those Norse really where slaves with temper, but that is what Beastmasters are for. Taking a chair from the ruin that was left of the watchtower, he sat down and his thoughts drifted away to what he would do once he had a own ship. He would raid small settlements, preferably in the distant lands of Breton. He would make a name for himself. He would make a lot of money, and gain a lot of power. Maybe, one day he would even be the captain of his own fleet. His thoughts where snapped apart when one of the Corsairs called him. ‘Sir, we really have to take the slaves to the ship. We have no business around here anymore.’ With a agreeing nod, he began walking to the harbour. Let them take care of the slaves. I’ve seen enough Norse barbarian for today.

As Kereth reached his group of Shades, he sighed as he saw the carnage the Corsairs had caused. Those freaks really need to get a grip on themselves. We are here to make money, not to kill Norsemen. He also saw a few Norse with bolts sticking from their chests and stomachs. Looks like those Shades I got aren’t any better Seeing one of the Corsairs getting kicked in the face made his mood a little better.
‘I have paralysed their leader. You will come with me and help me get him aboard the ship.’
With that, he turned around and walked back towards the hall where the chieftain lay. When they arrived at the square, the duel he had seen was over, but he saw a few dead Norse lying in one of the streets to the north. Keeping them alive is very difficult, isn’t it? He entered the hall, only to see the chieftain leaning against the middle log, that kept up the roof. Luckily, he stood with his back to the door, and he didn’t notice him. How can he still walk? Didn’t the poison work? Does he need another dose? Careful not to make any sound, he closed the door. Gesturing his Shades to be careful, he decided to keep the poison for himself. They wouldn’t hit him anyway. With some more gestures, he made clear that they had to encircle him. As some of the Shades made their way around the hall, he listened for any sound of the chieftain. When he heard all his Shades had found a way in, he rushed into the hall. Surprised, the chieftain turned around, and nearly lost his balance by doing so. This might not be as difficult as I first thought Seeing one of the Shades sitting on the place from where he had shot the chieftain, he smirked. Then the lumbering human slowly came his way. Not even bothering to aim, he shot a few bolts at him to distract. When the gap between them was only e few feet, he nimbly darted aside, and the other Shades began to shoot. Confused by the load of bolts digging in his armour, the chieftain nearly fell. Turning around to regain his balance, Kereth spotted a few wounds with old, crusted blood on his back. The bolts had been removed, and all ropes had been untied. That means someone else is in here Not thinking about that, he fired more and more bolts in the armour and flesh of the chieftain. With a scream of agony, the man fell down. Running towards him, Kereth dropped a few drops of the poison in the wounds on his back. Just in case. Seeing all his Shades had gathered around the body, he said ‘Someone else is here. He has been taken care of.’ Looking into the hall, he now noticed a big throne, made of wood, metal and furs. Walking to it, he sensed the presence of another Norse. With a sudden jump, he was on the other side of the throne, and he landed on a young woman, for a human barely in her twenty’s. Terrified, the woman began to cry. Look what we have here… A nice prize for a hunter. She will do good on the markets. ‘No one is to touch her unless I say so!’ he bellowed. Dragging her away from the throne, he bound her too. ‘You take the chieftain, I’ll take her.’ He said. With that, he walked away, onto the ship.

For Karth, severing his bands with the past was not a problem. His crew though was. Certainly, they wouldn’t like it if he just decided not to return to Naggaroth. Not knowing what he should do, and filled with rage over the loss of his good-looking face, Karth hit the wall of his cabin with his fist, ripping open his knuckles in doing so. Feeling the pain lightened his rage and stress, he did it again. Then he was his hands. They had the same greenish tint as his face, and where he had ripped away the skin by hitting the wall, it didn’t bleed. It jus was that, a piece of flesh, without any blood or colour, except for the greenish tint that seemed to cover his whole skin. And there was the movement. He saw his muscles moving. Every single one of them. They wriggled under his skin like crazed Nurglings. What have you done to me!? How can I ever face my crew like this!? Just relax. It will stop if you relax. And what does this ‘Næghŏfth Døtgåntår’ mean? Silence.

I hope you like the story, and any tips or advice is still very welcome :D.

Tijminator

EDIT: Ooh, and what do you think of Nageth being taken out of action? (By a kid :lol:.)

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Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:48 pm
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Your slave raiders have captured someone else with thier load of Norsemen, consider me a slave to your story! Very good stuff, but once again, a little more detail in the surroundings and a bit more description of your charcters will make your writing really live and breathe. I was initially disapointed when I realized Nageth was down for the count, but now that I think of it is pretty funny. The feirce and treacherous leader of a band of fearsome Dark riders killed by a little tyke with a pocketknife. Nice job!

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Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:18 am
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Awesome. :D I'll post a full commentary/critique when I have time.

Also, be sure to update this thread. I want to keep track of this kinda thing.

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Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:51 am
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And here; Chapter 5. Thanks for all comments.

Enraged, Karth tried to pull the Amulet from his chest. He couldn’t. That’s not going to work. You better accept your fate. Ignoring the thoughts, he decided to take into account the advice of the Amulet. He sat down, put of his armour, and tried to meditate as his Sword-teacher had taught him. Breathing calm, he let his thoughts slip away, and after that his consciousness. After a few minutes, he let his thoughts return, and got up. Walking to the mirror, he saw it had indeed helped. His skin still was a sick tint of green, but it didn’t move. His eye had also got back their pupils and irises, but looked like that of a blind elf he had seen once. At least, if he kept distance from the crew, they wouldn’t notice it too much. Checking his sword, he walked back to the deck. From the side of the ship, he watched as the slaves where ‘guided’ in, and was satisfied with his catch. All in all, he had captured about ninety strong, hardened Norse, and about seventy woman and children. Thinking about it, he hadn’t seen any old Norse. Maybe they die before they get old? Not caring, he walked into one of the rooms under the deck. Reaching a dimly lit space, he saw a row of cages. Some where filled, some weren’t. This was where single prisoners where kept. In one of the cages a giant body lay. It was the unconscious chieftain. So the poison did work. Lucky for Kereth. Walking to the end of the row of cages, he found what he sought. The Shaman stood in his cage. His staff had been taken from him, as had any amulets and other magical things. Inside the cage, he knew a enchantment of disrupting magic was placed. Normally this was unnoticed, but now Karth felt a strange disruption of the Wind. He felt slightly uncomfortable by it. Suddenly, the Shaman spoke. ‘So you feel it too… Now you can’t return to your homeland. Yeah, I know Naggaroth and it’s rulings on male Mages, don’t be surprised.’ We could learn a lot from him. I feel a lot of knowledge in him. Maybe you should force him to teach us? Feeling the Amulet with his hand, the Shaman looked surprised. ‘So the Næghŏfth Døtgåntår has truly been chosen. You have a lot of surprises in you, young man.’
‘I’m most likely older than you, human.’ Karth spat. The Shaman sighed. ‘I doubt so. I’m a lot older than most humans aver achieve you know. Chaos magic’s do have their advantages.’
Sure they do Karth thought. Looking at the items the Shaman had been stripped of, he walked towards his staff. Feeling a strange turning of the Winds, he gripped it. Suddenly, he was engulfed by images. He saw a mighty battle between Chaos and the pitiful human races from the south. He saw disturbing images of a goat, that walked like a man, it’s deformed hands gripping a rusty axe. He saw a combat between two giant Norse. He recognised one of them as the chieftain that now lay in the cage near the door. He saw a terrible warrior, gripping a longsword in one hand, it’s skin rippling with every move it made. Suddenly, he recognised the armour and sword it was carrying. It was him.

As Dakreh walked back to the Seasprite, he felt comfortable. The sea was his home. The familiar rocking of the ship on the waves made him almost happy. Making sure the slaves where led into the cages beneath the deck, he began looking for Karth. He needed to tell him about the collapsed wall. As he saw him, he began walking towards him. Then he stopped. Was it Karth? He had changed. His skin tone seemed… dead. Also, his expression didn’t seem to well. Maybe the promotion would better be adjusted to tomorrow. Walking back, he saw a dark, nimble figure coming his way. That will be Kereth. Why does he keep bothering me? I don’t care for people who avoid an open fight. Let him go back lurking in shadows. Don’t annoy me. ‘Have you noticed anything strange about Karth?’ Kereth whispered.
So I am not the only one… ‘No, not really. Except from him coming back alive from fighting a Chaos Wizard, nothing actually.’ Let him get unsure. Maybe he will hide from his own mind one day. Clearly marking the conversation was over, Dakreh walked away. He wondered where Nageth was. That freaked out Khaine-workshipper had of course just killed any Norse he saw. He wondered how he of all people had become a Dark Rider Herald. He was a total freak. Anyway, he wouldn’t care if Nageth got killed. He deserved it.

As Kereth walked to the Seasprite, dragging the girl with him, he thought about this mission. Why does Karth want that Sorcerer so bad? Who would like to buy such a useless slave? When he reached the Seasprite, he directly walked to his own small cabin. Locking the girl in there, he went looking for Karth to report his return and success in fulfilling his mission. As he saw Karth leaning standing on the deck, watching the slaves, he walked his way. When there were only a few feet between him and Karth, he stopped. His skin seemed to have changed. As he watched better, he also saw little movements under it. Not sure if it was the evening light playing tricks on him or if something had happened to Karth, he turned around. Seeing Dakreh was also on his way to report his mission, he closely watched his reaction. When the Reaver stopped in his tracks, a few feet before reaching Karth, Kereth was sure. Walking towards Dakreh, he asked ‘Have you noticed anything strange about Karth?’ Seeing Dakreh think, he already knew he did. ‘No, not really. Except from him coming back alive from fighting a Chaos Wizard, nothing actually.’ Turning on his heel, Dakreh walked away. That wasn’t very convincing, even for Dakreh.

As Nageth woke up, the first things he noticed where the sharp pain in his back, and a acing headache. Then he remembered what happened. When he looked around, he saw he was in a clay hut. The interior was sparse, and now it looked like a tornado had raged inside. Everything had been stapled against windows and the door. The Norse where preparing weapons and defences. Then he noticed he was bound. As one of the women noticed he was awake, she came his way with a big club. Then the blackness returned.

Horrified, Karth dropped the staff. Now I know why all Norse fled before me. I look like one of those spawns I fought at the watchtowers. The Amulet didn’t answer. Going through all the Shaman’s belongings, he found some gold, and a medallion. He took the gold, but didn’t touch the medallion. He had enough trouble with one. Walking away, the Amulet returned to his mind. Somehow he felt reassured by it’s presence. What was that? What? That staff. It contains all memory’s of the Shaman. I think he infused them for his would-be apprentice. So we don’t need him at all. We can just take all the knowledge from the staff. Karth thought about the possibility. It would surely prove a great amount of knowledge. But it might be dangerous. He wondered what would happen to the Amulet if he died using magic. I would die too. In some way, this made him feel good.

Hope you liked it, as I like writing.

Tijminator

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Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:47 pm
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The story is excellent, it describes everything well, and the characterisation is extremely good. I love the emnity between the leaders of the different troops, and the opinions the Corsairs have for the Shades and vice-versa. Also the general plotline of Karth is interesting, it reminds me a bit of Malus Darkblades', but far more subtle. I can't really criticise it much apart from the occasional spelling or grammar mistake, and perhaps a little confusion here and there (following each of the secondary characters' storylines, especially when there are two points of view for one event can be hard to follow, but it makes the story unique and gives some extra interest into the events and characters).

Anyway, so far it's been a great read, and I can't wait for more.

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Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:18 pm
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Here is part 6, but I think the frequency of writing will go down a bit. Now the holidays are over, school is killing me :shock:. Really. 6 tests/week is sick, especially when normally the limit is 4 :evil:. Anyway, here is part 6:

As Karth walked to his cabin, he thought about the Chaos Shaman, his staff, and the Amulet that now was a part of him. His thoughts drifted off to everything that had happened since he had landed in the village. He thought about previous encounters with the Norse. He had fought with them several times, once during his time in the Watchtowers in the north, once during a campaign in the Empire, near a human town, called ‘Marienburg’ or so, and another time during another raid. This was different though. This Norse had something about them that the others hadn’t. Most times they would quickly break after their leader was broken, akin to the Goblins and vicious Ratmen he had heard of. But not these ones. These somehow fought on while they hadn’t even seen their leader. Kereth had made sure of that. Hearing a rustle behind him, he turned around as fast as lightning, sword in his hand. Nothing. What was that? Nothing, just your imagination. Karth checked one more time, but anything that could have been there didn’t have a way out of the small corridor. Reaching his cabin, he took the mirror from the ground. As he extended his arm, he noticed something else, aside from the green tint. His arm had become thicker, more muscular. As he looked into the mirror, he noticed his face had again changed. The thin and fragile elf looks he was born with didn’t change, but something did. He couldn’t really name it. Your body is one of the bands to the past that is most difficult to sever, and I understand your suffering. Still, it is needed. Karth nodded. This was the Price of Power. He was willing to pay.

As Dakreh walked away from Kereth, he saw Karth had left. He wondered what had happened to Karth. Maybe he got sick, or maybe he was poisoned by the Shaman. He had heard about followers of Nurgle using poison and illness in general to get rid of their enemies. Anyway, he hoped Karth to die fast and painful. It would increase his chance on promotion if he did. Thinking about the ring he had taken, he decided to take a closer look to it. Returning to his cabin, he took the ring from his pouch, and was again surprised with its weight. It almost felt like the Ithmaril those trice damned Asur used to arm themselves with, but even a Asur wouldn’t make a ring with a Chaos symbol on it. Turning it around, he saw a small symbol on inside of the ۞. Why would anyone ever make a ring with another symbol on the inside, where nobody ever sees it? he thought. Not minding to investigate the ring any further, he put it back in his pouch. Making his way to the deck, he wondered where Nageth was. Did he just ran off killing as always, and did he bounced upon an adversary above his match? Or was he just killed by a random Norse? You never knew with fanatical Khainites…

Kereth thought about why Dakreh would lie to him. It wasn’t out of nature for his kind, but he most likely had a reason. Still, he knew something happened to Karth, and Dakreh knew about it. He knew the Reaver was very ambitious, but assassinating someone so far above his rank seemed a dangerous and rash action, even for an uncivilised sailor like Dakreh. Deciding that he wouldn’t find out about Dakreh’s motives anyway, he decided to go and see his prize. When he arrived at the cabin, he saw the girl lying there, still bound. She might fetch a nice price at the Markets, but I can get ‘profits’ from her now too. The Beastmasters won’t care.
Maybe I should save her for later, a long sea travel can become very boring if you have to sit in your cabin, doing nothing.
With that in his mind, he walked towards her. He saw she was pretty, for a human. Enjoying the fear in her eyes, he thought She will prove useful during boring days indeed. Binding her to one of the hooks in the wall, he smiled. This had been a very profitable raid.

Nageth woke up again, but this time he was smart enough to stay still. He was still in the house he had been some time ago, but the defences where completed. How long have I been here? How in Khaine’s sake is it possible I’ve been defeated by a ten year old Norse with a toothpick? Has Khaine deserted me? Inside the house, a grim silence hung. The women and kids inside sat and stood, fear in their eyes. Still, it was obvious they would fight to death before being taken. If I get out of this alive, I’ve been knocked out by a two metre Norse, attacking from behind. But first he had to come out alive. Seen the usual pattern of a raid, and the looks in the eyes of the Norse, this was unlikely. Most likely, he would be gutted if the Norse began to understand that the ship had left, and they where the only survivors. If the nature of the coasts here was but a little bit like that of Naggaroth, they would be picked apart by predators in a few days. Not thinking about what would be his faith, even if he escaped, he began searching for a way out. The windows and all doors where shut close with all matter of things, and the door was invisible behind the amount of inventory placed in front of it. The fact that he was bound didn’t help a possible escape either.

Karth was still looking to the mirror when someone knocked on his door. Putting the mirror down, he sat down behind his desk. ‘Come in.’ A Corsair entered. He recognised the one he had given the Norse from the boat. He looked startled with Karth’s new look.
‘Sir, with your permission, I think you should know this. We where extracting information from the Norse we caught, when he spoke of a dark power, taking over power of all those who stayed in the village.’
‘Then we better should leave, shouldn’t we?’ was the response.
‘Yes sir. Of course sir.’ When the Corsair left, Karth thought about what the Norse had said. Maybe that was why the Norse fought so hard, even without leader. Maybe the dark force was the Shaman. If that was the case, the danger was gone. Still, he didn’t like the idea of staying moored any longer. Nageth should have returned. Not my problem though. Walking to the deck, he shouted ‘Prepare to leave. Our work is done here!’


It's a little short, but I'm busy with school about 9 hours/day next to everything else, so I don't have too much free time. :(

Still enjoy writing though ;).

Tijminator

P.S. The storyline is actually forming up in my head, so now I know what will happen from advance. Yes that means I didn't knew before ;) . Still not sure if Karth is to survive this adventure though.

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The Price of Power

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Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:35 pm
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School can be a real pain sometimes, and we'll all understand if the writing slows down. Fantastic job as usual on Chapter six. Something came to me while reading though, where did Karth's amulet come from? He had it on at the beginning of the battle so I'm assuming it is some sort of heirloom or personal peice of jewlery. If that is the fact though, surely he had worn it in battle before, why hadn't it kicked into chaos mode before? I think a little more background on Karth and the amulet (even if he's not going live through the adventure) would really fill out the story a lot. The same goes for the other characters, they're well written with thought out personalities, but a little more insight into thier descriptions would make them more distinct. For example, (even though this puts emphasis on the norse/slaves as important characters) you could put in sections on how the druchii characters look and behave from the perspective of thier captives or captors (in unlucky Nageth's case). Good twist in Nageth's story too, just when everyone thinks he's been taken out, we find he's actually in the humiliating position of being taken prisoner by a small band of barely armed women and children! Keep up the writing!

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Stats: WS-4, S-4, T-5, D-3, I-2
6'2", 160lbs, 98 years old


Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:54 pm
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Quote:
Just before he left the cabin, he grabbed the amulet he had stolen in his days as Reaver and hung it around his neck. Even though he didn't know how or if it worked, he felt comfortable with it.

That's where he picked it up ;).
For the Chaos Mode, I have thought up that one. Let's say it could be thought of as 'unexpected' ;).

(If that's no cliffhanger, I don't know wat is anymore :roll:.)

Tijminator

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The Price of Power

Viva la Banana!

Cornixt wrote:
Why would anybody stand to wipe? You're closing the one area you want to remain open!


Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:02 pm
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Ooops! :oops: My bad, should have been paying more attention before posting. As for cliffhangers, I can say that one thing I've come to expect from "The Price of Power" is the unexpected! I'm looking forward to reading more, keep up the fine writing.

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Branthon Dalreck
Class: Warrior
Stats: WS-4, S-4, T-5, D-3, I-2
6'2", 160lbs, 98 years old


Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:07 pm
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And here; behold, part 7 has arrived 8). Hope you like it.

As the Seasprite made it’s way to the sea, Karth stood on the deck, watching the crew work. Assured everything was going by his will, he decided to go and look at the catch of this raid. When he reached the slave quarters, he entered a dimly lit room that smelled worse than the pits in Karond Kar. In the room twelve of long rows of cages stood. In each cave, a few Norse lay, exhausted from the fighting and struggling. Walking between them, he was content. He had caught a Wizard of Chaos, and nearly his whole tribe was enslaved. He guessed their number about two- or three hundred. All where young, strong Norse, hardened by the struggle of survival in the dangerous cliffs of the Sea of Claws. The most important was the Amulet though. It had revealed its nature, and now greater power than he had ever dreamed of was within reach. Spitting at the slaves, he decided to retire to his cabin. That was when he saw something that most certainly wasn’t supposed to be on the ship. He saw a bird. Now even a bird that makes it’s way into the belly of the ship alive was a lucky one, but this one didn’t come here by luck. He was sure of that. The bird just sat there, bright blue, almost reaching to Karth’s chest. Backing away slowly, he saw the Norse didn’t seem to notice the creature. Even then the bird just sat there, staring at Karth with it’s piercing blue eyes. What the hell is that thing? A bird, from the looks of it. Very funny. I think it’s some kind of manifestation of the magic’s you control now I have chosen you. Do I control magic? Just blast away the bird, I’ll explain you how. Focus on a spot between his eyes. Good. Now, imagine the bird dead on the ground. Ready? Now, and this is the most important part, let the power from within you flow to the spot between his eyes. Let it flow upon the Winds. When Karth looked up, he saw the bird falling on the ground, eyes wide in terror. Karth felt a unimaginable power rising within him. He thought about the rulings concerning male mages in Naggaroth. He couldn’t return to Karond Kar under any circumstances. Then, he thought about what he could do if his powers where mastered. I cannot help you any further than the basic principles of magic. You will have to council the Shaman about that, and his staff will be very useful too. Looking to the spot where the bird stood, he saw nothing remained of it’s existence. Waiting until the adrenaline surging through his body had calmed down, he sat down and meditated. When the movement under his skin had stopped, he stood up. Walking away, he decided to get the Shaman to teach him. A sudden feeling of irreversibility crossed his heart, then it passed.

Dakreh was controlling the departure of the Seasprite, when he thought heard a whisper in his ear. Turning, he saw nobody. Must’ve been the wind. Suddenly he felt chilled, even in his armour and cloak. Checking if every Corsair did his job right, he walked briskly across the deck. He was thinking about Karth. He was thinking about the Shaman directly under him. He was thinking about his very likely promotion. He was thinking about the ring he had found. Somehow, it had a aura of majesty. Maybe he could sell it at the markets in Karond Kar. Feeling the ship was off, he felt the urge to do something. Walking to the steering wheel, he took it from the Corsair standing behind it. Sailing out of the ruined harbour, he felt relief. He was home again, on the endless seas. His brooding mood had stayed in the village. Sailing, his thoughts drifted off. He thought about his home, about his family, who still where in Har Ganeth. They had grown apart, he and his siblings. His whole family rarely ever left the city, while Dakreh was often found wandering in the forests or standing on the city walls, looking into distance. When he was old enough, he had worked in the harbour, first as Corsair under command of Karth, fascinated by the far-off places he had seen. His ambition and several ‘unfortunate accidents’ as well as outright poisoning had ensured a quick rise to Commanding Reaver, the highest rank without an own ship. That was what Dakreh wanted; a own ship, the freedom to go where he wanted, to raid small settlements and flee when a rescue force arrived. That was the life he aspired. But now, he first had to tell Karth about his success at the wall.

Kereth was just thinking about what he would do with the girl, as his thoughts where interrupted by a strange, soft feeling in his neck. Feeling, he felt something had fallen in his neck. It was a long, blue feather. Surprised, he looked around. Then up. Nothing. Startled, he stood up, and stepped on his chair. Inspecting the ceiling, he found nothing out of ordinary. That meant nothing though, he had learned that the hard way in the past. During one of the rites to manhood, he was tracking down a wounded Harpy, when out of the blue, a whole flock appeared. Though he managed to lose most of them in the forests there, he still bears the scars today. Getting his thoughts back at the feather, he wondered if there where birds so far north. This feather, with all it’s colour, looked more like if it once belonged to a outlandish bird from the southlands. Strange things are going on here. Karth seems to decay somehow, Dakreh lies, Nageth gets taken out by a Norse, and now strange feathers appear from nothing. I will be glad when we leave. Putting the feather in his small desk, he felt a strange chill creeping up his spine. Shuddering, he closed the desk and walked away, to the deck. He needed to debrief his Shades. Feeling the ship rock under his feet, he knew the where at sea. The strange feeling that something was out of place remained at the shore.

Nageth saw escape was impossible. The option of trying to take out all the Norse crossed his mind, but he rejected it. It where too many of them. The ropes where secured with good knots, made by skilled and strong hands. Despair came over him. He was captured, bound, and most probably the only living Druchii for many miles around. The Norse began to whisper to each other. Sometimes, they looked his way, or pointed. Seemingly, they had come to a decision. Standing up, they walked towards him. One of the women slapped him in his face to check if he was awake. When he wasn’t awake before, he would surely be now. Looking at the woman with a cold, hard gaze, the Norse grabbed their weapons. Suddenly, Nageth understood he would very soon join Khaine in His Realm. One of the kids -he recognised it as the one that stabbed him- slowly let his dagger sink into his thigh. Grunting with pain, he thought about the torturers in Naggaroth. They would surely inflict more pain, but the humiliation would be a lot less. Now, ha was tortured to death by a human kid. He hoped death would be swift. His wish was not granted. In about an hour, the Norse decided he had had enough and stabbed him in the throat. Darkness engulfed him, and he was nearly sure he heard a voice calling his name. That must be Khaine’s greeting.

Karth reached the Shamans’ cage, and felt the disturbing in the Winds again.
‘You will teach me magic’ he simply declared. ‘Otherwise, you will wish you where never born. Now make decision.’
‘You will need the talent to do so, and the will to bind the demons to your spell. What make’s you interested in magic so much anyway? You know that you won’t be able to return to your homeland when you are a Mage.’
‘My reasons are my own matter, not yours. Now what do you answer. I don’t have time all day.’
‘Maybe I will, but I expect some reward from you. What about granting me my freedom and maybe even an alliance?’
‘Sounds all right to me, but don’t try to escape before I learned everything there is to learn. A whole ship of Druchii is too much, even for a Chaos Shaman like you.’

And so the training began.

As for the seemingly random things like giant blue birds that drop feathers from ceilings(:roll:), they have a reason :P.

Tijminator

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The Price of Power

Viva la Banana!

Cornixt wrote:
Why would anybody stand to wipe? You're closing the one area you want to remain open!


Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:45 pm
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