V. Warriors of Chaos: Our Not-So-Finest-Hour
Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2015 6:20 pm
THE STORY: I didn't want to play this match. What happened is that I told my friend that I wanted to play AoS. 'Sure,' he said, 'in a bit. Let me just do a little painting on this commission.' He does painting commissions for a lot of people. So I sat down to do a bit of painting myself. Just then, one of his clients came in. I overheard the conversation and soon realised that my friend was doing his best to keep his patience, as the client was very close to being abusive.
Then this person said, 'Want to play a game of Age of Sigmar?' Understandably, my friend did not want to play with him. So he looks at me and goes, 'I can't right now, but Agatha will play with you.'
'What!' I say.
'You said you wanted to play AoS, didn't you?'
I couldn't very well say, 'But not with him!' could I? So I said okay, why not.
As soon as I saw his army I went, 'You've got to be kidding.' I knew that I had no chance of winning with an approximately-equal number of models. My first reaction was to say, 'No way!' but my nephew reminded me that many battles in history are fought against overwhelming odds, and usually lost, but they fought them anyway. 'What would Boudicca do?' Well, she would charge head-first into the fray and die uselessly, of course! So that's what I decided to do.
I didn't expect to win this and I didn't try. I just wanted to see how many of them I could take with me before they stomped me.
So with that in mind, here it is:
Here is the Chaos army. Six Skullcrushers of Khorne, one Chaos Lord on Juggernaut, one Chaos Warshrine, two Sorcerers, six Warhounds... and one Hellcannon.
And here is mine. Dreadlady Boanne, Mhoireanne and her Cauldron, the Keening Bo's, two Repeating Bo Throwers, and Princess the Hydra.
The Hellcannon shoots at Princess and does 3 wounds to her, which she recovers. The Sorcerers cast Mystic Shield on the Skullcrushers, so they save on 2's and re-roll 1's. Lovely. They move forward.
The Keening Bo's and Princess run. Then I win the initiative and charge... a difficult charge, but they make it! Unfortunately the Witch Elves are too far from the Cauldron, so they won't be receiving the Blood Shield of Khaine. They manage to kill 2 of them and wound another, but Princess misses completely. Meanwhile, the Hellcannon kills one of my Repeater Bo Throwers, but the other one puts some wounds in it.
Boanne and Mhoireanne charge in. The Keening Bo's have been almost wiped out between the Skullcrushers and the Hellcannon, but their hag Lorheanne still lives and manages to finish off another Skullcrusher before they finally kill her. Princess gets her act together and kills another two, but Boanne fails with her Hydra Blade and Mhoireanne only does one wound.
Boanne and Princess have fallen. Mhoireanne and her Cauldron have only one wound left. She prays to Khaine... and rolls a 1, doing the last wound to herself!
The Hellcannon is destroyed by the remaining Repeating Bo Thrower.
The crew of the Repeating Bo Thrower have killed three warhounds, but are finally destroyed by the other three.
CONCLUSIONS: This wasn't a very fun game. This is the Age of Sigmar that everyone is worried about: a head-to-head fight with no strategy or complexity involved, just one mega-strong army against a weaker one. I might have done better if Princess hadn't rolled so badly at first (or if I had two or three Princesses!) but really, how would that have made the match better? Then again, I kind of knew that from the start, and only played to be polite. It was interesting, but I doubt I'll ever do that again. If you're not interested in playing fair, then I'm not interested in playing with you!
NEXT: Either Lizardmen-Seraphons-Whatever-they-are-now, or maybe I shall have my revenge on those pesky Ogres! (Yeah, I've only won twice against them in four years, but there has to be a time, right? Right?)
Then this person said, 'Want to play a game of Age of Sigmar?' Understandably, my friend did not want to play with him. So he looks at me and goes, 'I can't right now, but Agatha will play with you.'
'What!' I say.
'You said you wanted to play AoS, didn't you?'
I couldn't very well say, 'But not with him!' could I? So I said okay, why not.
As soon as I saw his army I went, 'You've got to be kidding.' I knew that I had no chance of winning with an approximately-equal number of models. My first reaction was to say, 'No way!' but my nephew reminded me that many battles in history are fought against overwhelming odds, and usually lost, but they fought them anyway. 'What would Boudicca do?' Well, she would charge head-first into the fray and die uselessly, of course! So that's what I decided to do.
I didn't expect to win this and I didn't try. I just wanted to see how many of them I could take with me before they stomped me.
So with that in mind, here it is:
Here is the Chaos army. Six Skullcrushers of Khorne, one Chaos Lord on Juggernaut, one Chaos Warshrine, two Sorcerers, six Warhounds... and one Hellcannon.
And here is mine. Dreadlady Boanne, Mhoireanne and her Cauldron, the Keening Bo's, two Repeating Bo Throwers, and Princess the Hydra.
The Hellcannon shoots at Princess and does 3 wounds to her, which she recovers. The Sorcerers cast Mystic Shield on the Skullcrushers, so they save on 2's and re-roll 1's. Lovely. They move forward.
The Keening Bo's and Princess run. Then I win the initiative and charge... a difficult charge, but they make it! Unfortunately the Witch Elves are too far from the Cauldron, so they won't be receiving the Blood Shield of Khaine. They manage to kill 2 of them and wound another, but Princess misses completely. Meanwhile, the Hellcannon kills one of my Repeater Bo Throwers, but the other one puts some wounds in it.
Boanne and Mhoireanne charge in. The Keening Bo's have been almost wiped out between the Skullcrushers and the Hellcannon, but their hag Lorheanne still lives and manages to finish off another Skullcrusher before they finally kill her. Princess gets her act together and kills another two, but Boanne fails with her Hydra Blade and Mhoireanne only does one wound.
Boanne and Princess have fallen. Mhoireanne and her Cauldron have only one wound left. She prays to Khaine... and rolls a 1, doing the last wound to herself!
The Hellcannon is destroyed by the remaining Repeating Bo Thrower.
The crew of the Repeating Bo Thrower have killed three warhounds, but are finally destroyed by the other three.
CONCLUSIONS: This wasn't a very fun game. This is the Age of Sigmar that everyone is worried about: a head-to-head fight with no strategy or complexity involved, just one mega-strong army against a weaker one. I might have done better if Princess hadn't rolled so badly at first (or if I had two or three Princesses!) but really, how would that have made the match better? Then again, I kind of knew that from the start, and only played to be polite. It was interesting, but I doubt I'll ever do that again. If you're not interested in playing fair, then I'm not interested in playing with you!
NEXT: Either Lizardmen-Seraphons-Whatever-they-are-now, or maybe I shall have my revenge on those pesky Ogres! (Yeah, I've only won twice against them in four years, but there has to be a time, right? Right?)