Hi was just wondering what you guys thought about my fluff for renegade elves I am making for my army. The main charecter is a Prince called Aron, named after me Aron Draith is the last survivor in the Draith line and a direct descendent of Caledor Dragon Tamer. His family were renegades during the Sundering, his ancestor named Ereth and a large group of other elves fled against the war between the Imrik and Malekith.
Although there was a large number of elves they seemed rather unimportant. What set them apart was an ancient orb Ereth had taken from Caledors ancient treasury.
With this orb each elf under Ereths command was faster stronger and more intelligent. Over time these elves became overconfident in there abilities and became lazy.
It was then that when Manfred Von Carstein was travelling looking for magical items to strengthen his power, he came down with a huge undead army and massacred thousands of elves and took the orb. The last king in the line shattered the orb and many powerful Elven casters took shards of it and fled. Manfred had the majority of the orb and left the elves to their fate. So it was that many elves felt sick and ill as the power of the orb began to leave them, their powers were returning to that of a normal elf. Now Arons uncle and brother to the last king left saying he would find new power for them in the chaos wastes.
Aron had returned to find his people broken, he now began new laws to train each elf to be powerful combatants. Now a line of great fortresses line in the mountains overlooking the black forests, where Aron will soon ride out to the head of his armies to fight the other races with a burning for justice.
I think the elves lose is good enough reason for eternal hatred but I would like to know what you think.
Please dont be to brutal as this is only my first attempt at writing fluff and is only a rough idea.
If you keep eating cupcakes, you will have more Chins then a Chinease phone book.
Ok fluff wise I see a couple of problems, neither of which are uncommon (when I look back at what by originally army background was I shudder).
1) This really is the most important one for me, when precisely did Manfred Von Carstien lead a massive invasion force into Naggaroth; that is the kind of thing that would probably get noticed. The invasions of Naggaroth are very few in number and none to my knowledge have ever included vampires.
This would also mean that the orb was shattered only a few hundred years before the 'present' time, which leads me onto point two.
2) Your sect is too powerful to be believable. A race of super warriors stretching from the time of the sundering up to near to the present day would have been noticed, not to mention either dominated or destroyed by Malekith as being a threat to his authority, none of which would be particularly helped by a string of independent fortresses.
I don't just want to be a nay sayer, but if I were you I would tone it down, reduce it in power and in numbers. Now just off the top of my head instead of an entire sub race (or at least substantial army) as your current background seems to suggest make it a household of a lord, or a warrior sect of Caledor (though considering the overwhelming prestige of the Dragon Princes it might not be the best place for such a sect, difficult to gain respect as a warrior force when everyone else rides five ton fire breathing lizards).
In this way you could keep the orb thing, but have it apply only to a few hundred elves rather than thousands, therefore not such a major force as to be unrealistic. It should also be lost/broken in a more believable way.
For example; driven by pride and arrogance derived from their martial superiority the elves of Draith attempted a raid on a heavily guarded temple city of the Lizard men only to find a power more ancient and terrible even than their own. The magic’s of the Slaan and the Old Ones they worshiped shattered the stone and though the elves were able to cut their way free of the overwhelming press of scaled flesh soon they felt their former vitality begin to ebb away...
Just a few thoughts, it is an interesting idea but one that needs toning down and developing.
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Ok I see what you mean I may just put one fortress up in the mountains but this story was based roughfly on a world of warcraft blood elves. I was thinking of having an unknown vampire attack as me and my freind (who plays Vampires) are planning a campaign.
Manfred was an idea as I coudnt think of any character that could defeat them. Such is my arragonce.
Manfred I thought had a bit of lee way when he was searching for magical items but my elves are far to powerful. Maybe I could say the orb affected the main royal guard and knights and now they are the only ones with some of the power remaining.
I realy like the lizardmen theme and the arragonce of my elves. It realy fits the fluff and I have lizardmen of my own so I could fit that in nicely. I just have to forget special characters unless they are just defending there borders in which case my force would be little more then a chaos warband venturing south.
Thanks again I know this is a long post. Not realy, look at some of the more indepth discusions, this is short. -Drainial
If you keep eating cupcakes, you will have more Chins then a Chinease phone book.
Ok this is my revised fluff still room for uideas and improvment so advice is encouraged.
Aron feet made a rough thud against the snow floor, his metal boots leaving prints in the cold surface. Aron was calm considering his forces gathering behind him. Nearly 1000 elves lined up into ranks, crimson red banners flying full of intricate designs.
Aron was the last decendent in the line of the Draith Household. His ansestor, forever known as Ereth the Farsighted, had known of the tension rising betwean the Pheonix king and Malekith. Ereth was a direct decendant of Caledor Dragon Tamer and a prestiges prince in the realm of Caledor.
It was then that him and around 3000 elves left Ulthuan upon hearing news of the sundering. He eventually landed in Nangoroth not knowing that Malekith would arive hear in years to come. He led his forces to the Black Forests where in the mountain side he built a large fortress that would house many of his warriors.
He made this all possible with a magical object known as the Orb of Tamerlein. With this orb Ereth and his finest guards and knights strength and speed grew until each oner was a Champion in his own right. It was these warriors that spearheaded the forces under Ereths control.
His power began to grow among his people untril they named him king of iron pass, named after the mountain their fortress was found.
It was then that the dreaded black arks came from across the seas with the black tide of warrriors inside.
Ereth was an acomplished sorcerer and with his force travelled to the sea of Malice to meet Malekith. His forces were dwarfed by hundreds compared to Malekiths huge force, however Ereth remained arrogant. When Malekith met this cowardly elf his anger grew as he had just lost his homeland and throne that was rightfully his.
Malekiths fury was great and with his magical power tortured Ereth, it wasnt more then a day but to Ereth it had felt like millenia.
Malekith then told Ereth of a way he could redeem himself, he was to travel across the world bringing Malekith items of great power, in return his life and all of his peoples, would be spared.
Ereth had been changed after that day, he no longer laughed or cried, his eyes seemed aflame with green light as he led his forces against the world, orb in hand.
It was eventually that Ereth died but his eldest son Kaed took up his fathers mantle. Kaed took his army south into Lustria where he was met by a huge golden temple city. Kaed in his arogance attacked the city, he used the orb to burst open the gates and his warriors entered pillaging anything they could find. His elite warriors, blessed by the powers of the orb cut through many lizards until atop and great Ziggarut a mighty Slann sat upon his Planaquin, Kaed had in the heat of battle taken on his fathers caracteristics and his eyes burst with green fire. He challanged the Slann magiccaly but was amazed at the Slanns might, the ancient powers of the old ones obliterating the orb as it shatered, the shards burst in all direction killing many warriors right there, as the warriors began to retreat a group of sorceresses retrieved fragment of the ancient relic and with its power cut a line through the lizards out of the temple city.
When the rest of the warriors returned they found many of them had become week and sick, withdrawral from the orbs power made the elves strength weeken. Now Kaeds line has continued to rule in Iron pass and house Draith, over time the rulers of house Draith have continued to train every one of there warriors to redeem themselves.
Arons force was only a thousand troops, he spent all his recources to bring together this army, with a blade made from ore of the Orb of Tamerlien, in hand, Aron sounded the order to move out.
His house was in its Twilight, the days of glory have long sinced vanished, now Aron planned to earn new glory for his people against the other races, reckindle lost hope and redeem his houses name. With the power of his bloodline running through his veins, the orb in his hand maybe this could be accomplished.
If you keep eating cupcakes, you will have more Chins then a Chinease phone book.
